It's a Dog's Life

I get magazines from Jeffer's Pet Supply once in a while. I even order from them once in a while. Stuff is cheaper from them than from the various big chain pet stores in town and I've been very pleased with their service. In fact, except for food, I get most of our pet supplies online. Jeffer's has some super cheap stuffed dog toys that I stock up on a couple times a year. They're cheap enough that I didn't care that our dogs used to go through one every couple of weeks. They last quite a bit longer now as the stinkies have learned the fine art of being lazy. I have taught them well.

I received a new Jeffer's magazine this week and decided to sit down with it the other night and think about what I need to order soon. The dogs are down to their last fuzzy toy and their hard Nylabone chew toys are old enough that they should probably be taken to some kind of facility that is equipped to deal with hazardous waste.

I flipped through the pages and paused on the ones showing doggy beds because their doggy beds are also a couple years old and though I wash them regularly, they're starting to look less than appealing. I found a couple of possibilities and then as I turned to the last doggy bed page, I about fainted at what I saw.

Ridiculous Doggy Bed

And by "ridiculous", I mean what the yahoo is wrong with people?!

A pillow top coil spring bed? A pillow top bed??!? For a dog? And it weighs 70 lbs?! Are you kidding me? Not that I don't want the best for my pups, but for pete's sake, that mattress looks nicer than the one on our bed and it costs more than the crib mattress we'll be buying for our human child.

But heaven forbid the canines don't get their beauty sleep. Else they'll look mangey when they go out for a stroll. Doggies take walks in style these days, you know:

Lazy Dog Walker

Or for the more crunchy AP minded doggy parents:

Crazy Mutt Wearer

Just when I thought that dog wearing "for maximum bonding and safety" was the craziest of the crazy (and all my friends know I'm totally a future AP mama - in fact, I'm about to purchase my third... yes third human baby carrier to stock up for our own future human baby wearing experience... emphasis on human - so don't getcher panties in a wad over that) (and if you think three is a lot, you should talk to my friend Shannon. *giggle*), I found this:

Words Fail Me

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Sorry. I just lost a few brain cells thinking about this product. So much so that I actually googled "bottled water for dogs" because, hey, I have nothing productive I should be doing at the moment (and by "nothing" I mean tons) and found this.

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Ok, so my dogs are spoiled a little. They usually get Christmas presents. I buy them the foofoo dog treats that look like real cookies from Petco. I also buy them carob doggy candy so they aren't deprived of the chocolate experience. They get one of the best pet food brands I can find, in a low allergen formula made only from high quality venison and sweet potatoes. I give them filtered water from our fridge thingamabop... but chicken flavored bottled water? I just don't even really know what to say. Actually, I do. I love my dogs enough that if I were made of money, I would probably spoil them with such frivolous things as pink froufrou strollers and pillow top coil spring mattresses.

But bottled chicken water? Chicken water? I totally draw the line at chicken water. My oldest dog can stare me down with her big, sad eyes and get almost anything she wants, and she drinks plain old water flavored water. With that in mind, I'm secretly convinced that these canine butt lickers all hyped up on chicken water, showered with such insane levels of attention, are just one diamond studded collar away from world domination.

Then we'd all be drinking chicken water and playing fetch.

And that, bloggy friends, is a very scary thing indeed.

Though looking at my mutts all sprawled out on their backs with their feet up in the air and without a care in the world, sleeping like nobody's business... perhaps a dog's life wouldn't be so bad afterall. I mean, they know they're cute. And some of them are quite talented. Like this one:

How on earth, with such cute things, can there be wars and hate? Maybe if all the meanies in the world were whistled at by this canine cutie, they'd stop being so cold. Can't you just see the headline?

CUTE WHISTLING PUP HIGH ON CLUCK WATER BRINGS WORLD PEACE

These are the things I think about when I should be asleep. See, this blogging thing can be dangerous. I shall go to bed now before I have guinea pigs saving us from an extra-terrestrial invasion.

Don't laugh. You never know. Those squeals? They could quite possibly be the exact ear-splitting frequency needed to shatter alien brains.