Marriage, uh, Wednesday?

So, I'm only two days late!!

It figures that his week Christine would choose to talk about supporting him in his work. I'm wondering if she has a hidden camera stuck somewhere in my home that she's used to get me this week. *giggle* Some of you know that my husband has been working out of town for the past three weeks. I've seen him all of a few hours in that time period, and he hasn't had a day off at all since then. Needless to say, I'm quite upset (as is he). Thankfully it should be over soon and he'll come home tomorrow.

But, I certainly haven't been the joyous wife I should have been during the time. I haven't been mean to him, it's definitely not his fault. But I have let it get to me, big time, and I have been pushy and naggy into trying to get him to resolve the issues in the ways I think he should resolve them. It's sooo hard to not give input when something seems so straightforward to you, even if it's not really that straightforward in reality.

I adore my husband's strong work ethic and dedication to his company. That's a character trait I've never had and probably never will. I don't like working for people, I don't like strict schedules, and I don't do well mentally, emotionally or physically working outside of my home (hence the jewelry business). However, he seems to thrive in a workplace. His job has been (mostly) a blessing but lately it has proven to be somewhat of a curse as well. But instead of trying to get him to fix it MY way, maybe I should just shut up and pray for him to fix it God's way. Ick. I don't like letting go. Can we say control freak? ;o)

I've done alright for my goals last week. I was successful in getting the house sparkling clean by the time he was originally supposed to come home. And now I've been successful in letting it get cluttery again! *sigh* Does part of the Honor Your Husband Challenge include a maid service? ;o) I've definitely done well with taking care of me, or at least better anyway. As for the reading and praying, I started to but have not been regular with it yet.

So goals for this week are the same as last I suppose.

Marriage Monday: 30-Day Honor Your Husband Challenge

So it has been a while since I have participated in Marriage Monday, though I promise I still love my husband. *giggle* I sort of went no-meme for a while as I dealt with some things both physically and mentally and didn't feel like posting much. But I hopped over to Fruit in Season over the weekend and saw that Christine is hosting this new challenge that starts this week and as I heard an angelic choir from the heavens singing the Hallelujah Chorus, I thought to myself, "Self? Do It." (Yes, I talk to myself. No, I don't hear angelic choirs... but it would be cool, no?!)

Christine has said that we should give ourselves a list of goals each week to accomplish. Now, I'm *not* a goal-oriented person, so this might be hard... but I will try! Here are my goals for this upcoming week:

* Find and pull out my copy of The Power of a Praying Wife and start reading it again and praying for my husband daily again. I pray for him almost daily, but mostly prayers of protection. He needs more. I need more. This is a good goal. (Feel free to pray that I meet it! Do they have a Power of a Praying Bloggy Friend?)

* Have the house decent looking when he comes home from his very long business trip this week.

* Work hard on myself. This might seem like a selfish goal, but it's not. I already take really good care of him, but not so much myself. He really appreciates it when I try my best to make sure I eat enough daily and take care of me.

So those are my goals. They won't be all that easy for me, but hopefully I'll be able to accomplish them.

Do you want to join the 30-Day Honor Your Husband Challenge? If so, pop on over to Fruit in Season and say hi to Christine. If you haven't yet "met" her, just tell yourself, "Self? Do it." (And make sure to listen for that Hallelujah Chorus...)

Marriage Monday - It's Not Me!

Hi, I'm Crystal. The controlling, condescending, argumentative, pessimistic (but a dreaming pessimist, mind you) fearful, impatient, procrastinating, lazy, manipulative wife. Or at least that's who I was when I first married my lovely hubby. What a catch I was, right? Or am I still that woman?

Today's assignment is to write about the person I was over six years ago in comparison to who I am today. I think in many ways I've changed, but in many I've stayed the same. In the first couple years of our marriage, we went through some rough times (not marital issues, just tough personal issues) that served to both strengthen me and tear me down. I quickly learned that being condescending would not serve me or my marriage well, and in fact, it could bring about death. Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." (NKJV) I don't find it coincidental that the very next verse speaks of the treasure and favor in finding a good wife. I know that the words we, as wives, speak to (and about) our husbands can serve to either destroy or build them up and this can take many shapes - spiritual, emotional, mental, and even physical. I had to learn very early on both how to hold my tongue (when I wanted to destroy) and use my tongue (when I needed to build up) if I wanted a husband. This has translated into how I approach other situations as well. I don't run into debates with blood boiling very often anymore. I figured out it's better to be informative and calm in an approach to a touchy subject than it is to be emotional and go in with guns blazing. That is one very big way I have changed I think.

Another thing I learned pretty quickly is that my husband cannot be manipulated. He's not one of the dumbed-down hubbies you see portrayed in the media these days (I never questioned his intelligence, just in case you were wondering lol) who can be conned into doing whatever the wife desires just by her "making him think it was his idea". Riiiight. Does that really ever work for anyone? He also taught me how important it is to respect both him as a person and his position.

My lovely hubby says that he's found that I have matured in my knowledge and understanding of God. I think I agree with that. I've definitely grown into my "child of God" skin in the past few years. As I wrote a few weeks ago, I've started to learn more OF and IN God instead of just ABOUT God. There really is a difference. To build on that though, I think I've just plain matured, period. I look back at things I did and said and see others do and say today and see how much I've changed. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, just reflecting. It's a bit sobering when you are horrified by something someone says or does and then realize that you yourself did or said that very thing just a few years ago.

Even though I have matured both in God and in life in general, there are still things about me that have not changed. I'm still very much fearful of many things... and some of those things have only gotten worse. I still deal with phobias and anxiety on a daily basis. I still struggle with control issues and with trusting God to manage the fine details of my life (even though He has never let me down even once) and I still make my husband have to work hard at being a good husband sometimes. lol I don't always make his job easy. However, we always work through it all and come out on the other side stronger and better for it. I can only attribute that to his love and patience and His love and patience. It's definitely not me... neither the 6-years-ago me or the today me.

Please visit Fruit in Season to participate in and read more contributions to Marriage Monday!

Marriage Monday: Be an encourager

Today, Christine wrote about being an encouragement to your spouse. I know I try to fulfill this part of my wifely roll, but don't always succeed to the best of my ability. When I asked my husband how I best encourage him, or what I do that means the most to him he mentioned a couple of things. One was that I make his lunches for him everyday. He's a very busy man and sometimes works crazy hours, so I choose to bless him by preparing his lunches at night before I go to bed. That way I help him save time and make sure he has the nutrition and energy he needs to make it through his long, tough days. The second thing he mentioned has to do with me. I have anxiety and phobic issues which translate into panic attacks and having a hard time doing some things that to most people are mundane and routine. So when I have good days and am able to get a lot accomplished without exhausting myself with anxiety, that not only makes me happy but makes him happy too.

Other things I can think of that I do to encourage (or serve) him:

* I make at least 80% of his meals with meat. See, I'm vegetarian and meat totally grosses me out. Buying it, preparing it, handling it, cooking it: ick, ick, ick. But my husband is a carnivore if there ever was one, so I do it for him.

* I try to only build him up and not tear him down in front of others. One of the things that downright makes me sick is to see or hear women bashing their husbands. It makes the hair on my neck stand up straight and I want to slap some sense into them. lol Now I do have a couple of close girlfriends that I am comfortable seeking help or counsel from if I need it, but I don't bash my husband in public or private to them or to anyone else.

* I try to remember to build him up in our own home as well. For example, I love telling him how handsome he is. ;o) I also like to compliment him in other things such as his work and personal accomplishments. He's very intelligent and wonderful and I make sure to add to that ego of his on a regular basis. *grin*

* I take care of most of the matters at home, like paying bills, balancing the checkbook, most of the shopping, cleaning, cooking, pet care-taking, appointment setting, etc. Sometimes on the weekends I'll ask him to help me or join me in a specific task and he's usually the vet-visit-taker, but usually I try to take care of most house "stuff" during his work week so we can have most of his weekend to relax. I know the last thing he wants to do on Saturday afternoon after a 60+ hr work week is clean out the garage or help me pick out a dog collar. ;o)

There are also several things I can definitely improve upon as well:

* Keeping the house cleaner. I'm NOT a good housekeeper. I never have been, but hopefully someday I will be. I mean I'm good at cleaning and I like a clean house, but I just hate starting it. I try to figure out a starting point and I get lost. I clean one room, and the next day the other room is a mess. It's a never ending cycle and is one of those things that overwhelms me! Sometimes he has to remind me that he's down to his last clean work shirt. *blush* I also let our bedroom get pretty messy before I straighten it up, and I know that is stressful. Room for improvement!

* I could be more understanding of his back injury. Don't get me wrong... I think I do a pretty good job here most of the time. When he drops something, I'll pick it up. When he needs something from the lower part of the fridge, I'll get up and get it for him. But I think I could improve some here for sure because sometimes I forget how bad it is because he doesn't always show it on his face and here I am sitting pain free most days.

This week's marriage Monday really made me think. Thanks, Christine! :o)

Marriage Monday

Christine over at her fabulous and gorgeous blog, Fruit in Season, started a new discussion on Mondays about marriage. Of course, me and my ever forgetfulness totally forgot about it until last night. I hate that I never seem to remember to visit the best blogs! But now she's in my blog roll, so it should be all good from here on out. ;o)

Today Christine reviewed the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I have not personally read this book nor have I heard Dr. Laura speak, but I have heard a lot of things about her and her book, both good and bad. I have a few friends who regularly recommend it to people. She also asked the following questions for participants (that would be meee, finally! lol) to answer:

* How do the media, friends, extended family and other outside influences affect your attitude in your marriage?

Honestly, most of the media makes me realize how good I have it. Not that I easily forget otherwise, but it makes me really realize it if that makes sense. My husband and I have had this discussion more times than I can count (it's a very vent worthy pet peeve of mine!) but the way the media portrays marital relationships and the dynamics between a husband and wife more often than not leaves me feeling sick. Take sit-coms, if you will. One we regularly enjoyed was Everybody Loves Raymond. The show is hilariously funny, but when you examine the marriages in it, it's not quite so funny anymore. You have one pair who have been married probably twice as long as I have been alive, who obviously wouldn't recognize the word respect if it bonked them over the head with a 2x4. Then you have the other couple who are a little better, at least that's what you might think, but in reality they really aren't. They are the classic overbearing, controlling wife and dumbed down husband who is only useful for bringing home the bacon (which, apparently, the wife can't cook well anyway), mowing the lawn, drinking beer, stinking up the joint and watching sports. You see this type of scenario over and over again in modern sit-com land. The part that bothers me the most is the dumb down husband roll. I can't think of many things I find more disrespectful than portraying a husband (whether he be yours or one you've made up) as incompetent. Yeah, it's funny, and yeah we enjoy those shows (Home Improvement is another one that comes to mind)... but it still bothers me and makes me grateful that I not only have a very intelligent husband, but that I also recognize it and stroke his ego build him up. ;o)

As for family and friends, I wouldn't say they influence my attitude, but rather they give me a glimpse into other real life relationships and help me to see what I may be doing as either right or wrong. I've learned both good and bad from watching other people's marriages, and that's ok to me. The good encourages me to do better, and the bad encourages me in what I'm already doing right.

* What are some resources of encouragement for you in your pursuit of godly wifehood?

Well, I already mentioned friends and family. They really are a big source of encouragement to me, especially a few people in particular. Other than that, early on in our marriage I read several good books that I found encouraging including The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian and a few by Ed Wheat, M.D. I tried to get into the Created to be His Helpmeet craze, but honestly, the author disturbs me. I'm normally pretty good at eating the chicken and spitting out the bones (despite being vegetarian - teehee - perhaps I should say eating the pistachios and spitting out the shells? *giggle*) but I couldn't finish that one. I think perhaps someday I will have to read Dr. Laura's book. I would probably enjoy it.

* Where would your husband say he falls in your list of priorities from day to day? Where on the list do you think he should be?

If the answers to the last 2 questions don't match up, how can you remedy that?We have a very straight forward and honest relationship so I asked him. Quote: "I'm up there". ;o) He says for the most part he's at the top, but not always. I want him to feel like he's always at the top and I think I do a decent job at that, but I am human and there is always room for improvement. I'm not exactly sure what I should do to remedy that. I guess that's a topic for tonight over dinner (which I will painstakingly and lovingly prepare just for him, by the way. *wink, wink*)

Happy Monday to everyone. :o)