Marvelous Monday

I think I shocked a few people with my last posting... my "Thursday Thirteen" list of things that ticked me off last week. *blush* I had a particularly draining week, and I had been wanting to jump on the "Thursday Thirteen" bandwagon, and the two of those collided into that blog post. I'd like to put my readers' minds at ease... I'm not dwelling on or wallowing in any of those things (except, perhaps my silly tooth which won't stop acting up.) There are things I am wallowing in, *lol*, but that's another blog for another day.

So to offset that post, I decided to declare today "Marvelous Monday" and mention a few things in my life that make me happy and I find absolutely stupendously marvelous. (Listed in no particular order.)

1. My dahling husband
2. My GOOD dog ;o)
3. My faithful jewelry customers
4. My giving heart which seems to grow each day
5. My loving friends, both in person and online
6. My ever faithful supply of chocolate! :o)
7. My family, particularly my (((mom & dad)))
8. My God, who remains faithful and steadfast even when I'm not faithful to Him
9. My God-given talents
10. My house that WILL be fixed up eventually
11. My collection of yummy smelling candles
12. My ability to make my husband smile and giggle even when he's in the foulest of moods
13. My husband's ability to make me smile and giggle even when I'm in the foulest of moods
+1. My life in general that may not be tidy but is interesting... right? RIGHT??? ;o)

There... thirteen + one things I find marvelous on this Monday afternoon. I'm sure I just made one particular Crosswalk friend very happy. ;o)

Thursday Thirteen #1

Thirteen Things That Ticked Me Off This Week

1. My stupid tooth that won't stop bothering me, even after paying over $700 to get it fixed.

2. The grocery checker and bagger who would not listen to me when I told them something funky was leaking out of a package I bought.

3. My silly dog who refuses to learn to stop pooping on my floor, yet is too darn cute for me to stay mad.

4. The people who take advantage of my husband.

5. Finding out that carrying a carton of icecream by it's lid is NOT a wise idea.

6. Someone stating that I am mad at mothers who chose to not wait to have their children.

7. People who act like they understand things when they really don't have a clue.

8. People whining about trivial matters when other people have serious problems yet handle them with grace (LOL No, not me... I'm not graceful!)

9. The person that almost ran me over as he zoomed down the street going way too fast today.

10. Dropping little bitty tiny beads (that cost a few cents each!) all over the floor and having to grab them all up before the dogs get them.

11. Finding out that cloned meat and dairy could be on our shelves soon, possibly unmarked as such.

12. Getting too full to move after eating only 1/2 bowl of soup.

13. Living in an unfair world where people get what they don't deserve while the people who do deserve it are left high and dry.

Yeah, you can see it hasn't been a fun week. ;o) Maybe next week will be better and I'll post thirteen things that made me happy! :o)

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Beautiful You

This has been on my heart for quite some time, and I've started to write it several times in fact but I was never able to finish it until tonight.

A few years ago when Dustin and I were volunteers with our church's youth group, I was asked to speak at an all-girls sleepover. I was a bit taken aback... I'm not much of a public speaker, but I figured that if God wanted me to speak, He'd figure it out and make it work. I knew the theme of the night was supposed to be beauty and for a few days I spent a portion of my morning devotional time praying about this task and asking the Lord to impress upon me what He would have me say.

I loved the kids in our youth group... so many of them are wonderful young people with true hearts for the Lord. I really wanted to give these young women that night something they could walk away with and treasure forever, but I had no idea how to speak on beauty yet keep it completely Biblically centered. But God knew. He began to point out things in His Word that I had known and read previously, yet had never seen knit together in such a way, shining under this particular light.

I have always been fascinated with Old Testament history and how so much in those times was a foreshadow of things to come. This includes the Tabernacle. There is so much symbolism in the Tabernacle... every piece of it and every sacrifice performed in it perfectly represented the future of atonement for the Lord's people... Jesus. In preparing for this speaking engagement, God took me to Exodus and reminded me of His instructions for building His Tabernacle. A few things really stood out to me. For one, God was very specific in His blueprints. This was HIS tabernacle... the place where He was to dwell among His people. He didn't leave the designing to human hands... it was planned out down to each intricate detail in His very own infinitely perfect mind. Second, He commissioned skilled craftsmen to fashion His dwelling place. Shoddy work not allowed! Third, He required materials of high quality. Fine linens, solid gold (not plated!) and acacia wood... all things that point to quality and only the best artistry for our Father's Tabernacle. These things also represent beauty, which is the last point. The Tabernacle that our Lord designed as His very own dwelling place was made from beautiful materials! The place he planned in the depths of His mind and realized through the work of His people was a place of beauty. Our Lord is beauty. He designs beauty. He lives among beauty.

Because of the atonement of His precious Son, through that Son the Father now resides in His people instead of hovering over the mercy seat in the Holy of Holies in His tabernacle. Not unlike the Tabernacle in the Old Testament, this new dwelling place required specific instructions. He doesn't leave the design of His people to human hands... He fashions us Himself, and continues to mold us and refine us until we are vessels that hold all He has for us, reflecting His perfect glory.

He commissioned skilled craftsmen for His new dwelling place too... Himself! He's not only the designer but also the creator. Only God could have laid out the complexities of the blueprint of the human body, mind, and soul and then put those plans to fruition by His spoken Word as He created man in His very own image. The Master Craftsman of all craftsmen built and continues to build the place He chooses to dwell.

We, like the tabernacle of old, are also fashioned with only the best materials. Our bodies are so miraculously and wonderfully made. Who else but the Lord could have designed a body that is able to withstand what ours go through daily? Lungs that take in oxygen involuntarily, a heart that pumps blood second after second, even when we don't think about it. Skin that heals, livers & kidneys that purify, eyes that can see near and far, and even organs that are made to play a part in His awesome job of creating yet more life... more potential dwelling places. Only our Master Craftsman could build these tabernacles.

The last thing the Lord showed me in this analogy is that just like His Old Testament tabernacle, we are beautiful. He doesn't make ugly dwelling places! Big, small, short, tall, light, dark, polka dotted (that's me!)... we're all beautiful and even more so in the eyes of our Creator. We're made in His image, after all, as His children where He longs to abide. When He looks at us, he doesn't see our blemishes, inward or outward... He sees His beautiful, treasured creation and His beloved Son.

Lately I have seen so many women down on themselves physically (myself included.) Society has defined what is "beautiful" in such a way that no normal woman could ever be considered to be a beauty. People starve themselves, go under the knife, take an endless supply of pills, deprive themselves, pile on makeup, spend thousands on designer labels, try this cream and that, change the color of their hair, eyes and who knows what else... all for what? A type of beauty that even if attained is fleeting, when really all they need to do is reach out to their Creator and see the true beauty that they are as His creation and how much more they can be as they abide in Him and He abides in them.

The one other thing I remember from this study of mine is a scripture in Psalm 45. This particular passage is a wedding song. Because we are the bride of Christ, I can see a parallel. Whether or not it is an accurate assumption of the verse, I tend to believe we can see it as such. It says, "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (NIV) I do think our King of kings is captivated by our beauty because our Beauty is Himself, His handiwork, and His image. What a comforting thing to know that He looks so far past what we see in the mirror and sees the Christ in us.

I was never able to present this message because the sleep over was cancelled. Even still, I know it was all destined to be. I gained a lot from the study and it has been in the back of my mind this entire time. I knew I would be able to share it with someone someday. I suppose that day has finally arrived. Now go ye therefore and be beautiful. :o)

I Would Rather Be Interesting...

... Than Tidy!

I read that statement the other day and have deemed it my new motto. :o) Oh how true it is! I don't particularly find myself and my life all that interesting, but I guess someone out there might, right? One thing is for sure though... I.Am.Not.Tidy!

There are very few times when my entire home is clean. I do try to keep the essentials clean.. kitchen and bathrooms of course. But as far as tidy? Organized? Nope! It doesn't matter what it is... whatever I want is never where I want it to be. A personal life organizer would make a killing off of me (if only I could get organized long enough to find their phone number...)

I try and try to organize (especially my home office!) and it just doesn't work. I even buy these cute little organizing boxes for all my jewelry supplies, and somehow it just doesn't happen. *sigh*

Someone please tell me I'm interesting!!! ;o)

Settled

Being settled. It's such a... settling feeling, is it not? I noticed tonight that for the first time in quite a while, I feel settled. My parents are at home, healthy and hopefully happy as well. I helped my dad come home from the hospital today. He seems to be doing remarkably well considering he had major surgery just a few days ago. It's very settling to know that it went as well as one could hope. My dog is lying next to me, happy and content. She seems to have settled here quite nicely. She absolutely loves "her" new yard!

We are now mostly moved into our new house. We have more space to settle in than we ever hoped for. My belly is full. All is well with the world! But all of this "settling" causes me to wonder. Is feeling settled just a good thing, or does it bring with it the potential to cause harm? Can it cause us to drop our guard? Can it lead us to a place of complacency? Or the worst of all... will it drown out all urges to move forward?

In an age and society full of "gimme gimme gimme... more more more!" you'd think that would be the last thing to worry about... right? There's always another and better gadget to acquire... a higher pay bracket to obtain... a bigger house... a shinier ring... that new fangled whatsit that promises to deliver the perfect body in 15 mins for only 6... no... make that 5 payments of $29.99!

Yet while our physical persons are ever reaching for bigger and better (or smaller and better) things, our spiritual sides often become too settled. Complacent. Lazy. Boring, even. How many Christians are so dedicated to Christ that they are truly always pressing forward, never satisfied with what little they understand of our Lord and what small portions of the hem of His garment they have fully apprehended? His mind is so vast, His power so mind blowing and his glory so brilliant... I believe it's impossible for our human minds to fully comprehend. But are we happy in that? Do we stop there? Do we just accept what little knowledge we do have... what little bits we've gleaned from Sunday school and watered down Bible studies? Should we feel settled when it comes to matters of God? I think not.

I know that personally, when I really dig down deep and seek His face... it's like the more I get, the more I want. I'm all "gimme gimme gimme... more more more!" Yet when I allow myself to be comfortable in what I have, satisfied in what I know... settled in the place I am in... the yearning for more of Him dwindles down. I become lazy and complacent. The desire to dig deep completely vanishes. It's a vicious cycle, and it's not one that is easily broken.

How does one move from a place of complacency and spiritual laziness to a place of constantly craving more of the only One who can satisfy a soul? And more importantly... how do you even balance between settling and satisfaction? Surely we are supposed to be satisfied with the Lord... so how do you differentiate between being satisfied with Him and being satisfied with where you are with Him? I know that I don't ever want to be satisfied with where I am spiritually until I'm dancing in His presence and bowing at His feet.

So where is the balance? Can one be settled... but not settled?

Grace, Grace... God's Grace

Have you ever just looked back thinking about your life and what God has done... and catch your breath in total wonder of His goodness? Have you ever been so awe struck at His grace that you can hardly breathe? Have you ever been so full with the treasure of His mercy that you can't even utter a sound and all that's left to do is worship Him with tears of joy?

Aren't those the most precious moments? I don't believe that anything else could ever evoke such a response. "Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing You, Lord..." is what a song says by Third Day. But I think that it's not just the knowing Him that is incomparable. It's the experiencing Him and having His unsurpassable and matchless mercy, grace, love, and glory poured out upon you so freely and so completely, all being so undeserved and uncontainable, magnificent and terrifying, perfect and unspeakable, all sufficient yet ever causing you to yearn for more that is the thing to which nothing can compare. I sing of it so very often in my songs. It's mentioned in almost every one. Why? Because it is so great and so powerful that it can never be spoken about enough... and I am so overcome by it that I just collapse in the beauty of it all.

Though I speak and sing of it so often, grace is not so easily understood by me. It's so uncommon to our human flesh that even one drop of it can make me fall down to my knees crying out "why?" while my spirit softly utters a song of thankfulness. I recently finished a song titled "You Consume Me" about being in the presence of God, dancing before Him and being so taken by Him and His glory and His grace and majesty that all I can do is humbly bow before Him and allow Him to consume me completely. One line says, "I don't deserve Your love, yet you say I'm Your own." I feel those words just about every day of my life. I don't deserve Him or His love one bit. I have never done anything to even deserve a second glance from Him. I've never said anything that merited His pouring out of grace upon my life. And yet He pours... oh, how He pours! He also never stops. This, I think, is the hardest part for me to comprehend. When I am faithful to Him (as much as one can be here in the flesh on this earth) He pours. When I am not faithful to Him, He pours. When I bawl like a baby because I want Him to stop so I can cease this writhing in the guilt of my forsaking Him... He pours. It's unfathomable. Unstopable. Uncomprehensible. It's grace.

Hallelujah! Grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah! All my stains are washed away, washed away.

Todd Agnew

Grace, grace... God's grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace... God's grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin!

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?

Julia H. Johnston,
Daniel B. Towner

I'm trying my best to receive with nothing but sheer thankfulness... but it is so hard to see past my undeserving self. How about you? How do you react at the wondrous grace of our Lord?

T Minus 22 Days!

We only have twenty two days until we close on our house. Oh yes... I guess I forgot to mention that we found one! And oh what a beauty she is. I would always roll my eyes or laugh everytime someone told me that when we walked in "our house" for the first time we would just know it. I guess I rolled too soon though, because I fell in love with this one from the moment I laid eyes on her. I caught it just as it went on the market, and we drove by it wondering to ourselves, "what is wrong with this house, that they have priced it so low?"

The neighborhood is so wonderful. The home is only a few years old, and it is surrounded by homes that are easily worth twice as much as it is. The yard is great, and the interior is a great size for us. It needs some cosmetic work (and a lot of elbow grease... apparently everyone's definition of "clean" is different!) but it can all be done in time.

We had our realtor write up the contract the night we viewed it. We offered, they countered, we accepted. We're getting it for a honey of a deal! My husband seems to think that the stressful part of our house hunting adventure is over with. But to me, this is the worst part!

Hi... my name is Crystal... and I'm a hoarder of all things chocolate. Oh, and money too. ;o) I know that I do not "love" money... but I sure do hate to spend what I have... and I certainly hate to not have any at all! So this has been very difficult for me. It seems like everytime I turn around, there's someone else wanting some of our hard earned green stuff! An inspector there... an appraiser here... a lender there... another inspector right over here. Each check is painful to write! I've rather enjoyed watching our money grow in our bank account... behaving all nicely and earning all that interest. But it's slowly trickling down and by the end of it, it will be over half way gone! Oh oh oh! I don't like this one bit. *lol* Perhaps God is trying to teach me to just be able to let it go. I think I'm afraid of having nothing. That is not a place I ever want to find myself again. A part of me thinks if I can just hold on to some of this cash, we would always be comfortable... but I know that's not a rational thought.

My husband has always been the confident one when it comes to trusting the Lord. It almost seems to come easy to him. Perhaps God has blessed him with that because if he were like me, we'd be in serious trouble! God has certainly placed us in certain situations and has gotten us through different circumstances and trials that have caused me to put more trust in Him... and also in my husband. There have been a few decisions we (or he) have made that I just could not see how they would work out... but God has been so merciful. He has created paths for us that no one else could... and He has walked us through places that don't make sense to the naked worldly eye but in hind's sight have been the best and most beautiful places through which we have been yet. He's allowed me to hit rock bottom spiritually so I could finally start to truly understand what His love and grace is all about and see but a glimpse of His glorious character. By taking us through doors that seemed to be leading down paths that were dead ends, He has proven that even though His ways don't always make sense to us or anyone around us, we absolutely cannot fail by submitting to His will.

So why does this trusting thing come so hard for me? You'd think that by now I would have learned my lesson. How much longer will I reply to God's words, "just trust me... I will never fail you" with a smug, "Oh yeah? Prove it!" instead of a humble "yes, Lord."

I'd love to tell myself that if He gets me through these next 22 days, that will be enough... it will be the final line in my pattern of trust for Him... but I know better! I'm not sure my flesh is capable of that amount of trust. I fear that I will fear until the day that I die. Surely not though... surely at some point I will be able to submit it completely to God and allow His peace to fill those places of my soul and transform those doubts in my mind to knowledge of His faithfulness. But until then, I just hope these next 22 days don't drive me insane. ;o)

"Finding myself at a loss for words..."

I can hardly believe it has been a week since I've "blogged." For a girl who usually has no trouble at all talking someone's ear off, I have had such a hard time trying to think of anything to talk about in the past several days. So I think perhaps I will just start "talking" and see where I end up.

First of all, I read back over my first few entries and I must say that sometimes I surprise myself. How in the world did I come up with some of this stuff? *laughs* Not that it isn't all true... it is... but I just don't know where it came from. Sometimes I sit back and go over music I wrote and have the same thoughts. It's almost like I'm reading or listening to words and music from someone else's tongue. If you know me in person, you know I'm not an eloquent speaker at all... quite the opposite, really. Often times, I fumble over my words and say the wrong words more than I say the correct ones.

When I take a deep breath and think of the calling I believe the Lord has on my life, I believe that I must feel much like Moses when he said to His God, "... I speak with faltering lips!" But not only do I speak with faltering lips, I sing with quivering voice! *wink*

How I would love to get away with just being a "behind the scenes" type person. I'll pen the words, you speak them! I'll write the music, you sing it! But will the Author of this music and these words grant me this simple request? Will He delight Himself in me as I sit back lounging in the hammock of my comfort zone? Or will he be like the mother eagle who pushes her young out of the safety, security, and coziness of the nest... knowing that her babies must endure that hardship so that their wings might strengthen, enabling them to fly? Something tells me that this baby birdie won't be allowed to stay in the warm, cozy nest forever. Well, in reality, it's more than just something... it's more like somethings. Not only do I believe it to be true of my own accord (which I admit to rather reluctantly) I am told this by others. It could be one of the reasons I have checked out of church for so long... people tried to push me too far too fast into doing things I'm too afraid and not ready or able to do at this time. Can't you just see me desperately hanging onto the edge by my little pinky toenail here?

Not only do I think the Lord is trying to push me out of my comfortable nest... He must also be trying to teach me patience! We put in an offer on a house almost a week ago, and we are still waiting to hear about it. It's more than a little frustrating. Honestly, I'm okay with either way it could go... but what I'm not okay with is the not knowing. *laughs* I want to know if I can start picking out colors and furniture and decorative items. What size and color fridge will I need to buy to match the existing appliances... when can I start packing up our stuff and moving it from this dreadful apartment!? Or if not that, can I at least know it's time to move on down to the next house? We are at a stand still, and I've never really been a "stand still" type of girl! I'm not sure if I need a Sharpie answer for this one... but the 2-Day Air Mail option sounds great right about now!

I think I will leave you with some words to a favorite song by MercyMe, "Word of God Speak" For some reason I find the words quite fitting for me tonight...

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

One Day

My husband is a wonderful man. In fact, I really could never say enough good about him. He is so intelligent, witty... so very handsome and strong. He makes me laugh like no one else, comforts me like no one else, and brings a smile to my face just by the mere thought of him... like no one else. He is the only man besides my father to ever love me. Why he loves me is something I'm not sure I will ever understand... but I will accept it and cherish it. Yes it is no secret that I am truly and abundantly blessed to be called his wife.

But alas, like all other things in this world that are too good to be true... there is a problem. He is hurt. He hurts. Constantly and badly. Because of the indiscresion of one person and the ignorance of a handful of others... he is permanently and severely injured. This of course does not affect our love for each other, but it does affect our lives... his mostly.

It's with him constantly, and many times he hides it well so no one else is touched by it. But I know... I know it's always there. I know there's not a darn thing I can do about it... and it drives me mad. Why does such a bad thing have to happen to such a good individual? Why can't all the prayers offered on his behalf by not only me but countless others move the heart of God enough to bring him some relief? Why does he have to go through this... so young with so much life ahead of him... and why, oh why can't I take it from him?

Tonight someone asked me about it... she doesn't really know me, so she didn't know the story. As I sat and typed it all out, reliving the parts I could rememer, I just started to break down. It's just not fair that someone so caring and so undeserving of such pain has to endure it. It's not fair that he has to go work enough to fill several person's shoes in pain the whole time, while I get to work at home comfortable and for the most part, pain free. It was then, as I finished telling this person of this situation, that I decided I would trade all the happiness I could ever experience for the rest of my life... if only I could just take his pain upon myself and give him relief for just one week... even one day. I would do it and then some. Why doesn't the Lord allow us to make deals like that? It's not like I want to give him the world (although I would love to if I could...) I just want to give him a chance to remember what it feels like to not be hurting. A day to just enjoy life and do whatever he wanted to do without fear of the pain that it would inevitably bring.

I would take it forever... though I'm not sure I'm strong enough. But one day... I could give him at least one day... if only I could...

A Note to My Readers

The comments, compliments, and encouragements you all have offered to me both online and off since I started this blog have truly warmed my heart. I never imagined any writing, or certainly any blog I would start could evoke such a reaction! I feel truly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.

It was brought to my attention that there was not a function where anyone could subscribe to my blog and be notified of any changes or recent posts. Some readers have expressed interest in knowing when a new post has been made, so I believe I figured out a way to do it.

I started a google mail group that will send an email everytime a post is made to this blog. If you would like to sign up to receive the email notifications, just visit the following page:
http://groups.google.com/group/Song-of-My-Soul-Blog

I would also like to request that if you leave an anonymous comment, if you could be so kind as to make mention of who you are, or at least drop a hint so I can guess. ;o) One of you I still haven't figured out!

Thanks again to all my readers. Hugs and blessings to each of you.