All my bags are packed...

Well, I suppose it's jewelry more than bags.

It was a pretty decent day in jewelry land. This is a good thing, since I've made the decision to use some profits from my jewelry and jewelry supply sales (I have an Etsy shop that is strictly jewelry supplies, mostly handmade by moi) to knock things off my "Crystal Needs Likes New Toys" list. On this list, you will find at least four camera lenses, a kiln, and a rolling mill. People, that's the short list. *grin*

I've had lots of decent days in jewelry land lately, which enabled me to knock the first item off my list... a 50mm 1.8 prime lens! Wooo! I'm so excited. The lovely Chelsea helped me pick it out after I deliberated over its purchase for years. Ok, I suppose it was days more than years, but it was long enough for me to pick up on some cool photog lingo. Like "prime lens". Oooh. Doesn't that sound important? And my new favorite word: "bokeh". Aaaaah. Bokeh. Now that's just the funkiest way you could ever say "blurry". I dare you to figure out a funkier way. Go on. Try. You won't succeed.

I also dare you to work that word into at least one conversation this weekend. Go on. Do it. And report back to me on Monday. I want to hear about the strange looks you get.

My new funky bokeh-inducing prime lens is currently on a UPS truck just a few hours away, and my patience is getting seriously bokeh-fied.

The tracking information doesn't say what the delivery date is, which should be illegal. 'Scuse me, but a girl orders a lens and a girl needs to know when said lens will be here because UPS has the nasty habit of leaving boxes of expensive goods on my doorstep whether I'm home or not. I've had things stolen this way. This is not a good thing for a girl who orders massive quantities of precious metals and gemstones, especially in this market!

So now UPS is PageRanking its big bokeh butt right alongside Google at a 10/10 on my "Crystal's Most Hated" list. If my lens goes missing because I don't know when to expect its delivery, I just might go postal (which, in my opinion, everyone should since despite all of its frustrating issues, at least the USPS won't leave an expensive package unattended on my doorstep).

But anyway, now that I'm all packed up and ready to go, I'll wish you all a good night. Errrr, morning. There's nothing like waking up all bokeh-eyed to an email box notifying you of little steps closer to knocking off the next item on your list. Hopefully tomorrow... errrr, today... will be one of those days.

So am I really that popular?

I was reading a thread on a forum the other night about "unpopular opinions". It was one of those fun rant threads, where people post their unpopular opinions like "Clay Aiken is creepy".

After reading through several pages, it dawned on me that if all these things are unpopular (minus the Clay Aiken one because, let's face it, dude is a little creepy) then I must be really popular.

Let's see... um...

*I don't hate children.
*I refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
*I believe in God (and am therefore brainwashed).
*I'm not a McCain fan (but I'm not an Obama fan either, so I guess that makes me Not Quite a Cheerleader but Not Quite a Band Geek Either).
*I'm cool with homeschooling if done right.
*I like tea.
*I like cable and my big tv.
*I am a dog person.
*I rarely shop at Wal-mart.
*I don't think it's creepy that Brangelina have biological children as well as adopt children (though I'm not a fan of them - Brangelina, I mean. I'm cool with adopted children. Obviously.).

These things put me on the A-List apparently.

Me? Popular? Who knew?

I'm guessing I'm not totally on top though, because here are my unpopular opinions.

*I think Crocs are hideous and people should be ashamed to wear them in public.
*I find reality tv both ridiculous and frightfully boring.
*I think our society as a whole is both under-educated and over-medicated (and the two go hand in hand).
*Oprah freaks me the heck out. Her "spirituality" and the way women seem to flip over her truly frightens me.
*The Sabbath is not nor will ever be on Sunday, and our modern day church is way too watered down and so far from what it should be that I fail to see the point to much of it.
*Gwen Stefani sucks.
*I don't "get" vintage.
*I will not spank my children (but don't worry... you won't find us misbehaving at The Wal-marts!).
*Beer is nasty.

Wait. Who's popular? I'm not so sure it's me after all. *giggle*

Do you want fries with that?

If anyone ever tries to tell you it's a good idea to start a business... run. Very fast and very far away from that person. Because I can tell you that they are nuts.

This is now my third year doing taxes as a self employed person. For the first two years, I had a home daycare. Well, truthfully I only did it for about a year, but it was from summer '05 to summer '06, so that makes for two tax years. I have always done my own taxes. Wait, no, that's a lie. My mom used to do them for me. Then I decided to be a big girl and let Turbo Tax do them for me. Last year, however, Turbo Tax would NOT work for me because I was doing home daycare stuff AND new home stuff and my gosh that was the most confusing thing I've ever done in my entire life because for part of the year we lived in an apartment and the other part we lived in our house. So not only did I have to figure up all the tax stuff that goes along with buying a home, I also had to figure out how to divide it between personal and business because with a home daycare, you can take a lot of deductions that you normally couldn't... such as a portion of your rent, utilities, etc etc etc even if you do not have a dedicated space in your home solely for the business based on the percentage of the year you were in operation and blah blah blah blah. Turbo Tax was dumb and would not do something right; I do not remember what. So I did them by hand. I spent a lot of time on the phone with the IRS (who, surprisingly, were very kind and helpful). I wanted to die.

However, all of that pales in comparison to THIS year, as I am figuring tax stuff on a new business that started in 2007 and has thousands of little teeeeeny tiny inventory items. *faint* Do you know how FUN it is to count 2mm beads? Yeah, well, it's so NOT. Not to mention that I did not keep impeccable records in 2007, so I'm spending days... yes DAYS... figuring things out. Literally. This is the first real break I've taken all week. I bought myself some fun new jewelry stuff as a reward. Shhhh. Don't tell. But I can't wait to play with it. It's metal clay. So, like, you know, CLAY... but METAL. And you form it and then burn the heck out of it and it turns into solid silver (which is 99.9% pure as opposed to sterling which is only 92.5% pure, and as such the "fine" 99.9% pure silver does not tarnish hardly at all and is super easy to clean). Doesn't that sound FUN?! Metal CLAY. I mean, can you say genius?

But back to the taxes. I do not pay myself enough to make up for all this time I'm having to spend putting all this stuff together. So if you suddenly see my prices jump up to, say, $1,000 per earring, you'll know why. Just chill. I gotta pay for my metal clay somehow, you know, and that stuff is 'spensive, people.

Life was so much easier as an employee. Thank goodness I have a super smart mom who has done self employed taxes for years and a genius husband with some accounting background or I swear, I'd jump off a cliff. I might anyway though, but if I go, I'm taking my metal clay with me.

Don't worry. Come May, I'll probably be the happy go lucky jewelry business owner again. But until then, I'd kinda almost rather flip burgers. It's a lot easier, that's for sure.

Not that I'm complaining... much.

Chick Has Issues

It's 3:30 in the morning, and what is Crystal doing?

Freaking out over fabric for crib bedding for a child that is probably not yet even conceived and for which she is definitely not yet approved! Emailing fabric graphics to friends, hoping they will shoot her and put her out of her misery.

Do you know how hard it is to find gender neutral bedding that doesn't make me want to barf?

"Ok, we'll just make it", she says. Then she looks at multiple fabric websites and again wants to barf. She is now freaking out, worried that her not-yet-even-existent yet child will never know the joys of a beautiful nursery. Upset that the one fabric she does love is out of print. Out of print!? Popular fabric... out of print. In what universe does that make sense? Oh, the NERVE!

Yes, yes. Chick has issues.

Oh, the shame!

I've been baaad, bloggy friends. BAD! A bad blogger, a bad bloggy buddy, a bad... well... enough alliterations for one post, no?

I'm once again in a funky place where I don't know what to write about. During any given day, you can catch me moping around the house, sighing and thinking, "Dangit! I don't know what to write about!" Ok, not really. Well, maybe the moping part a little. Or a lot. Moping is what I'm good at these days. I have a lot of deep things weighing on my mind lately with no real resolution for them and it's getting old.

I know all three of my faithful readers are missing my wit, my charm, and my ability to make them laugh with a single act of locking myself in the bathroom... naked. I'm sorry I've been neglectful of this most important duty. I'm also sorry I have not been visiting your witty, charmy, funny blogs and commenting as much as I should.

So what's been going on in Crystal land lately? Not much, really. I'm getting my hair cut next week. I haven't cut it in a long time. It's about at my shoulders right now, and I think I'll cut it to my chin. That's my favorite length. I'm not fond of long hair.

I have nothing new to report on the adoption front. In fact, we have not done anything on that front at all. I'm having some big feelings about it that I can't quite get past. Not about adopting in general, just the route we're considering taking and the lack of control I will have there in certain areas that are important to me. It's NOT a route I particularly want to take, but my husband does, so we are at a stand still. Plus, there is simply no time to pursue it at the moment, so who knows when it will happen. If it ever happens. At this point in time, I have great doubts about whether or not we will ever really become parents. I'm sorta leaning towards no on that one, but I guess time will tell.

Also, in the past year, I've had a major shift in thinking in many areas. I'm totally not the same person I was two years ago. Except for the phobias. Those are still there. No matter what changes, rest assured, the phobias will be there to keep me grounded! *rolls eyes* One of the things I have dramatically changed my thinking on is how I feel about certain aspects of parenting and disciplining. My beliefs on the matter no longer conform to what most of my family believes - including my spouse. And I feel so strongly about them that I am unwilling to waver from them. So this should be interesting (if we ever become parents, which, again, probably not ever going to happen!). But hopefully these things have a way of working themselves out... right?

At this point in my life I feel very much stuck in limbo. And to be quite honest with you, I don't like it so much!

I've been staying up way too late and sleeping late too. I reorganized how things are categorized on our website last night, and started working on paperwork for taxes. I baked bread from scratch for yesterday's dinner for the first time in a very long time. It was ok, but kinda crunchy on the outside.

We watched the first season of Heroes last month and loved it. We also watched last season's Lost and are very excited that the new season starts tonight (and are VERY excited that we love DVR so much). And did I tell you that we bought a friggin huge TV? Yeah. Right before Christmas, we found a 37" flat screen LCD HDTV and decided to treat ourselves. Apparently playing XBox on an HDTV is a lot better than on a regular TV. Do they even make regular TVs anymore? At first I felt really guilty about all the money we spent in the second half of last year. But then I remembered how hard we've been working the past several years, and how much we cut back and saved and scrimped and then I didn't feel so bad anymore. It took us years to get out of debt and build up a good bit of savings. We're FINALLY able to reward ourselves a little... and there's no shame in that, right?

But no more big spending for a while. Or at least until we decide to rip out the floors, which I'm hoping will happen around spring break. We've been planning that the entire time we've lived here (almost two years!) and have not yet done it. Well, I'm getting very sick of it not being done, so I am making a point this year that it WILL get done before my birthday in June. Even if I have to hire someone to come and do it, it WILL get done.

So maybe I have a little more to talk about than I thought...

Greatest country on earth, huh?

What little faith I had left in the US is now gone. I promised myself I would not get involved in this year's political stuff. I'm a cynic. I do not agree with the electoral college or the two party system or the mudslinging and general "politicking" crud that goes on in our government. It's not for the people, it's for $$$$$ and $$$$ alone. *gag* I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat. I don't know what I am, but I don't believe that either of those parties has it right.

I had decided months ago that I was not voting in this presidential election (yes, I realize that puts me right up there with Saddam Hussein himself, but whatever, I'm not supporting a candidate I do not fully believe in and let's face it - they're all crooks! I will not vote for a lesser of two evils, nor will I vote for one person just "to keep so and so out of office". I just won't. That, to me, is a cop out and I don't swing that way.) However, there is one candidate that the more I read about him, the more I'm thinking I might just vote after all. He probably does not stand a chance at winning, which is unbearably sad because in my opinion he's the only one with a good head on his shoulders and the only one who will actually fight for Constitutional rights. He's the only one that seems genuine, has a record to back him up, and the only one that doesn't scare me to the point of wanting to move out of the country. He COULD stand a chance. He has an incredible number of supporters. But the media (oh, that unbiased media... "Fox News - Fair & Balanced" - excuse me while I laugh my butt off) is burying him. Ignoring him. Why? Not because he's not newsworthy, that's for sure.

The past few years have been the first time in my entire life that I have been ashamed to be an American. And it just keeps getting worse. I fear for the future of myself and my (hopeful) children if most of these people get into office. *shudders*

So now it's Wednesday

And I'm still not feeling all that great. I thought I was all better, but not so much.

I have several jewelry items to make in the next couple days to fill a large order. That's fun. So long as I don't melt things again.

I've been in a horrible mood all day, so watch out! ;o) I don't know why, I'm a woman. Do I need a reason?

Something that bugs me this week: copyright infringement. I'm an artist on many fronts, and as such, I own legal rights to my intellectual and otherwise artistic property, no? I'm sure all of you respect those rights and obey the law when you read the pieces I have shared here on my blog. Now when I share something with you and give you permission to read it and perhaps own a copy (whether I give it to you freely or sell it to you) that does not give you license to do anything you want with it. Sure, you can do a lot with it... for your personal use. You can read it or listen to it all you want. You can NOT read it or listen to it all you want. You can drool over it, use it as toilet paper, or smash little bitty bug parts into it, frame it and hang it on your wall declaring it as "modern art". These are all fine (so long as my name is not removed from your "modern art", anyway). What isn't fine is making copies of my work and distributing it without my permission. What REALLY isn't fine is using my name or work or graphic or anything else that is solely my property for your financial gain.

We're all in agreement of this, no? I thought so. So then, my question is, why is it so wrong to steal from a starving artist but it suddenly becomes "okay" when the artist is rich or when the owner of that property is a large corporation? Because "it's not hurting anyone"? Wrong. It IS hurting someone. It hurts me, as an artist, because it breaks the very law that is in place to protect me. Now I'm not all about big government, in fact, I hate big government and in most places just wish it would stay the yahoo out of my life. However, the laws that are in place to protect me (and rich artists alike) I ask you (collective "you" as in every person in this country, as if more than 10 of "you" actually read this blog) to please respect.

I feel like a broken record with this topic because so many people are either ignorant or uncaring about the copyright laws. This really disturbs me, especially when these people are teaching their children that this is an okay practice. Stealing someone else's property is always a crime. Don't make it about who has more.


*Steps off soapox*

A good note and a not so good note

Last night I realized that given the recent skills I have acquired, I can now call myself an amateur metalsmith. How cool is that?? *grin*

On a less than positive note, here's a question for you. I see so much disrespect being thrown around regarding spouses (most of it I see these days is women disrespecting their husbands or other various men in their lives). My question is when did men cease to be our respected spouses and instead become our lap dogs that we "punish" into "good behavior"?

Here's what I have to say about that: *GAAAAAAAG*

I realize that the women's rights movement did a lot of good. A lot. But is it possible that too much "empowerment" has served to sway us a little too far in the opposite direction? What, are we "getting back at them" now?

Again: *GAAAAAG*

Are you kidding me?

Today I called a good friend from my high school days to get her address so I could send her an invitation to our jewelry party next month. I have always forgotten to get it from her after she got married. I asked her for it and you'll never guess what she said in return. Or maybe you will guess.

"Are you sending me a baby shower invitation?"

Are you freaking kidding me? Is that really something you ask someone you know has been struggling with infertility for two years? I said "No, I wish" and something else and she replied again with something else completely insensitive and I pretty much stopped that conversation and changed the subject.

Some days I feel like the only sane person left in this world.

Apparently my face

makes for a good roadblock.

Or at least that's what my pliers thought this morning when they jammed into my eye socket bone, just 1" below my eyeball.

Like freaking OW.

I look like I have a miniature snake bite... two little holes in my skin. Lovely. Now I'm just waiting for the black eye. I punched myself pretty hard! Who needs enemies when I have myself?

I just hope I didn't crack a tooth. Possibly too high to crack a tooth, but its all really sore and achy now, so who knows.

I'm the poster girl for safety goggle awareness. I wear regular glasses most of the time, and the pliers hit right below my frames. However, if I had been wearing safety glasses, the pliers would have hit them instead of ME.

Don't you just love the combo of snake bite, need-to-be-plucked eyebrows, and cleaning-house-today hairstyle? I'm so pretty. *grin*

The fates hate me, but the bugs? They love me.

My desktop computer decided to crash today. My LIFE is on that thing. Our budget stuff, all our photos, my business records, invoice blanks, my pricing sheets, everything! I have also written over 30 songs (and a few I've recorded) and all those files are on there too. *sniff*

I can't access ANYTHING at the moment. We're pretty sure the hard drive is fine, it's bad memory and something else that's not working (and I do have backups of some stuff)- but ugh ugh ugh, I feel like my entire life is on hold. Thank goodness I bought a laptop earlier this year, or else I wouldn't even be able to function, but it's not my main computer and I want my main computer. My laptop also hates my printer, and I had 4 orders I needed to get out this morning, and I needed my invoice file and I needed to print that and labels for my packages. Thankfully I was able to download a driver that seemed to make it work. But...

WAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! What a HUGE pain in the rear (and checkbook).

My hubby and dad can both build computers, but they're saying with the parts we need to replace, I might as well just call Dell and buy a whole new one. *big, huge, loud sigh*

Bye-bye swanky, new camera that I wanted to get as my Christmas present to myself. I swear, the fates are keeping me from that thing!

I had a visitor this morning. I guess it's a praying mantis. I have an uncle that is terrified of those things. This one was tan and skinny. I thought they were green and a little bigger. Don't worry, I didn't lysol him. I had pity and captured him in a cup and released him on the back porch for the huge frog-sized red wasps to carry him away. Life is so interesting living in front of a large open field in Texas.

Did you know they fly? I didn't. But I do now.

When making headpins... (a jewelry making commandment)

When making headpins, if the little ball doest detach and propel itself down onto thine desk rather than mind its own business and crawl up thine fine silver wire, thou shalt not assume that the tiny thing cooleth off quickly because of the mere size and attempt to move it with thine pointer finger.

It shall sticketh to thine skin til you pry it with thine other hand, and leaveth you with a ball-shaped white indentation in thine finger. It doest cause thou much pain and trembling. Thou shall curse the fire-hot wire from which it came, and the torch that caused it so. This is not acceptable, my jewelry loving friend; you shall not fall into this snare.

Thus saith the one with the burning finger.

Life is always better as a pessimist

Or at least according to The Freelance Cynic, author of the original Moaning Meme.

Sandy tagged me for this a couple of days ago, but I know I've been tagged before by a couple other people. I think it was Amber and Jessica? Anyway, at long last, here is my moaning meme.

5 people who will be annoyed you tagged them.

Laurel at My Attempt to be Coherent because I like to pick on my new friends. *giggle*
Kim Thru the Looking Glass because she admitted she wants to be tagged for memes. Apparently it flatters her, and flattery gets me everywhere. So rant away, Kim! :)
My dad at Rantings From the Right because I think this meme was designed with him in mind...
Stacy at Upon Eagles' Wings because I'd like to see this totally sweet person whine for once, and...
Sarah, again, at My Peculiar Life because she can rant with the best of 'em! ;o)

If I didn't tag you and you'd like to participate, please feel free and let me know that you did. :)

4 things that should go into room 101 and be removed from the face of the earth.

*Huge honking SUVs and the idiot drivers down here who try to run me over in my little car. Yeah, SUVs are good for many people, but very few of them down here are really necessary. They're more of a "look at me! look at me!" status symbol or something. SUVs and trucks are to Texans as sports cars are to the rest of the world I guess. If you have an SUV and a good reason to have one, then this rant is not for you. However, if you "need" your SUV for your one small 4-month old child, please avoid all the places I tend to drive. I'm tired of laying on my horn to keep you from hitting me in my small, gas efficient vehicle. Oh, and learn to park in ONE spot please. ONE SPOT.

*Infertility. It sucks, big time. If I were elected president, I would abolish it my first day in office.

*That commercial with the military people for that little Tide thing. "A stain, Vaughn? A ketchup stain??" ... "Oooh what'd they do, send me a daggon houdini?!"

*Germs. Because germs aren't cool, man, they're just not cool.

3 things people do that make you want to shake them violently.

*Act like they know how I feel regarding our infertility. Or speak poorly of me behind my back (naive enough to think or hope I wouldn't find out?!) and judge me for my very valid human emotions or say not true things about me instead of approach me to work it out with me themselves like adults, which leads me to...

*Act like we're in junior high still. I'm almost 30, people. I grew up a long time ago. Please stop acting like your children.

*Try to touch my hair or any other thing that is exclusively mine, without my permission. I have a big need for my personal space. If you aren't my husband, puh-LEASE keep your hands, breath, feet, and anything else that is part of you or comes out of a part of you at least 5 feet from any part of me at all times.

2 things you find yourself moaning about.

*People who do not understand phobias and panic attacks, yet judge me for them, or think I am less of a person because of them. A certain dental assistant (for one) comes to mind.

*Being childless.

1 thing the above answers tell you about yourself.

*I am crazy. But we knew this already.

RULES

*Link to the original meme at freelancecynic.com so people know what it's all about!

*Be as honest as possible, This is about letting people get to know the real you!

*Try not to insult anyone - unless they really deserve it or are very, very ugly!

*Post these rules at the end of every meme!

I Hate Teeth

Well, at least I hate *my* teeth. It doesn't matter what I do, they are bad. I started getting some pain in one of my teeth that has a crown (that I got years and years ago) last Tuesday, and I thought it was just from brushing too hard (I'm good at that) or from the sinus migraine I had (those make all my upper teeth ache sometimes) but when it didn't go away and instead started to get worse and worse I realized, "duh, there's something wrong".

So Saturday morning I got up early to go to the dentist to figure out what's wrong, but when I called to see if how busy they were (they accept walk-ins) they informed me that they are no longer open on Saturdays. Huh??!? I said I needed an antibiotic, because I think I had an infection (I'm not SURE, but the extreme pain sure makes me think that) so they called one in. Or at least said they would. When I went to the pharmacy a few hrs later, they had NOT called it in, so I called them again (talked to the answering service this time) and I said they didn't have it there at the pharmacy. This time, they sent a page to my dentist and she called it and a pain killer in for me.

Ugh. Have I mentioned how much I HATE taking drugs? So now I'm on 500mg amoxicillin 4x a day (though I have a hard time keeping that every 6 hr schedule thing, and have taken it just 3 times a couple of these days - oops). Did I mention that's why I'm up now? Yeah, I woke up at 3am to eat a few crackers and take a pill. Yay. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to take something for the pain too or just try to sleep through it.

Did I tell you that I hate teeth? Did you know that I am mad at the idea of probably needing ANOTHER root canal (that is if the infection doesn't, you know, spread to my brain and kill me before I go to the dentist next week). Why do I even take the time to floss and use the expensive prescription fluoride gel? Neither one helps.

Rantings of an Underweight Crazy Woman

I am underweight.

I am not bulimic. I am not anorexic. I never have been and never will be. I am probably one of the worst emetophobics in the history of emetophobia, and cannot even fathom the idea of making myself throw up. I realize I am underweight and need to gain 15-20 lbs at least. I WANT to gain weight.

I wear a size 0. It's hard to find nice clothes in a size 0. I can't wear kids clothes because they are not made for people with curves. I am a curvy, underweight size 0.

I am healthy. I am not malnourished. My cholesterol, blood sugar, electrolytes, iron, kidneys, and liver are all perfect.

Now that you know all this about me, it's time you know some other things.

Don't give in to the weight double standard. If it's not okay to say nasty things to and about fat people (and it's NOT) then it's not okay to say nasty things to and about skinny people. Unless you're a doctor or other medical professional that has valuable and important information, just zip it when it comes to a person's weight. If you're proud of your overweightness, that's fine. I'm not stupid enough to assume that just because you're overweight that means you're unhealthy and lack self control. Can't you pay me the same respect?

I am not a skeleton, nor do I look like one. I'd appreciate it if you don't refer to skinny people as "skeletons" or "aliens" or "bobble heads" or "broomsticks" or "twigs" or "looking half dead" or "disgusting" just to make yourself feel better. Or any other reason, for that matter. I thought the whole name calling thing died out in junior high. I guess some people never grow up.

Do not call people of bigger sizes "real women" just because they are not underweight. Last time I checked, I had all the parts necessary to qualify as a "real woman". All natural born women are real women... size has nothing to do with it.

Do not accuse me or any other skinny person of having an eating disorder. You have no idea what is or is not in a person's head. Why assume? It's rude.

Do not tell me or anyone else to "go eat a ***insert expletive of your choice here*** sandwich, for pete's sake", or say ""Why doesn't someone get them some donuts??" (I'll take a chocolate cake Krispy Kreme, if anyone's buying.)

Do not say superficial crap like, "oh she was so pretty before she lost weight" or "guys only like REAL women with meat on their bones, not those skinny bobble heads" or "that is sooo unattractive". Gee, thanks. Thank goodness I left my cares about what others think about me back in high school. I guess some people do grow up.

Look. I don't say nasty things about people who are overweight. I don't call them names. I don't mention what they should and should not eat. I don't accuse them of having eating disorders (and yes, overweight people can have them too). I don't say superficial crap about their looks. I don't make fun. Is it too freaking much to expect the same thing in return?

Yeah, I thought so.

Thursday Thirteen #13

After someone said something a little insensitive to me last week, I almost posted something along these lines then. But, I decided to cool off first and now that I'm "over it" I thought it would make for an interesting Thursday Thirteen. I realize that most people are just trying to be helpful, but I also think most of the time people don't think before they speak. Infertility is a touchy subject and is very painful, and you never know who is touched by it since it's not normally a visible problem. I have chosen to share some of our struggles, but many choose not to... and thanks to more than a handful of insensitive people, I now know why. So, in honor of those of us who spent mother's day wondering about and perhaps mourning over the unknown futures of our motherhood, here are:

Thirteen things you shouldn't say to people having trouble conceiving (or just to be safe... anyone, really...)*

1. "Have you considered adoption??" Personally, YES, we have considered adoption and I plan to adopt someday regardless of whether or not we have biological children. However, why is that anyone's business unless I choose to make it their business? Sometimes it takes a little while to grieve the children you may never have. You have to be ready in SO many ways to adopt... emotionally, financially, mentally... Don't assume someone hasn't considered it, and don't assume they SHOULD consider it. Ever. Not everyone can or wants to, and that's okay.

2. "Just relax!!" If stress was a main cause of infertility, half the population would not be here. Relaxing will not fix infertility. Taking a "fertility cruise" or other such nonsense will not miraculously cause your body to grow a child. Not to mention, it's virtually impossible to relax when you find out you can't get pregnant as easily as you think you should and there are a million and one things you have to think of, and you live your life in two week increments. This is one of the most insulting things people can suggest to someone struggling with this issue. If only it were that easy.

3. "Maybe it will happen if it's God's will..." For people who don't believe, it sounds crazy and downright mean. For those of us that do, it's just plain painful. Yes, I believe in the will of God and it's in His control. That, strangely, does not offer comfort. It really just reminds me of the fact that the Lord doesn't always truly give us the desires of our hearts (or at least not always in the ways we hoped and planned). Don't presume to know His will for my life, please. Thanks!

4. Any other Christian cliches, for that matter. "It's in His hands" "It will happen in His time" "Give it to Him" and on and on and on. I'm not a Christian cliche type of gal, obviously. If you want to offer religious comfort, pray with me and for me.

5. "Is your husband avoiding ______, ______, and ______? (Insert heat producing clothing items, activities, or possible fertility impairing consumables of your choice.)" Would you like to come over and make sure our house isn't baby-making-proof? And is it really your business what my husband wears under his pants?!

6. "My cousin's neighbor's aunt's dog sitter knew a woman who was having trouble conceiving her 3rd child and after nine long months of no luck, she tried ______ (Insert awkward, overly personal, didn't-want-to-know information here.) and she got pregnant! Have you tried that?" First, if you were pregnant with a successful pregnancy in any amount of time less than a year, you're not infertile and most people who really are don't want to hear your "advice". Be thrilled... it's not a club you want to join, believe me. Second, those who ARE infertile are usually obsessed with gaining information on the topic and have heard just about every "remedy" in the book (and off the books, even) and have probably tried them all at least 10 times, naively thinking that maybe... just maybe... they'll get lucky.

7. "If you would not have used birth control when you first got married, you wouldn't be having this problem now." I have no nice words to say about this one, and I hate birth control. It's nice how people that hardly know you love to diagnose your issues, whether they be physical or even supposedly spiritual. (As if God really punishes someone for using the evil hormonal pills by withholding the blessing of a child from them. Yes, people really believe this. I know... wow.)

8. "It might be because of your weight." or "Maybe if you just lose/gain xx pounds, that will help!" It doesn't matter if you're skinny or fat, people love to ask if your struggles are because of it, one way or another. Unless you're my doctor or nutritional counselor, just don't go there.

9."Some women just aren't cut out to be mothers." This one hasn't been said to me, yet, but to others. I'm going to have to stop writing about this one now, in case there are little eyes reading my blog.

10. "You should be thankful you don't have a baby yet. Once you have one, you won't be able to _____ anymore!" (Insert whatever thing you can think of that is supposedly more important than a child. Yeah, when it's put it THAT way it's not so easy to say, is it?) Sadly, this one is most often said by mothers. Tell you what... I'll trade you my sleeping late, still hot meal, extra money, nice house, and childless vacations for your baby. Sound like a good deal? Didn't think so. Remember that next time you try and use this to "encourage" a struggling woman. Most of us would give the world to have cold meals and sleepless nights because of a child.

11. "Just stop trying, and that's probably when it will happen." Riiiiight. Nope, sorry, didn't work.

12. "So when are you going to have kids/make me a grandma/make me an aunt/uncle/great grandma/cousin??" or "Why aren't you pregnant yet??" It's bad enough when this question is asked when you don't know the person's struggles... once again, it's a very personal issue that is only your business if I make it your business. But once you DO know and you STILL ASK? Wow.

13. "HAVE YOU SEEN A DR???" Not everyone wants endless medical testing and expensive treatments that can promise nothing. Some choose the medical path, and that's fine. Others choose a more natural one, and that's fine too. Not everyone can afford medical intervention, and not everyone wants it. It doesn't mean one of us wants a baby more, or that she hurts less than the next woman. But don't ask. It's just rude.

So what CAN I say, you ask? In most cases, there's not much to say at all. Unless you've been there and honestly know what it's like, it's normally best to just support us with prayers, a shoulder to cry on, a voice to scream with, a passage of the Word that offers hope and encouragement, and (for those of us who don't mind it) hugs. People who offer their prayers and I KNOW they are really praying from the depths of their hearts bless me the most. Ask us what you can do to help, and most importantly, just be there when we need you.

*This is not directed at any one person.
If you have said these things to me or anyone else, just check yourself and move on with a resolution to do better next time. For those of you who are my close friends and closest relatives, you know that you are exempt from (some of) this list.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Why Ikea Must Die

(If you don't know me well, please don't take this as anything other than me venting and unsuccessfully trying to be slightly humorous - and maybe a little gross - in the process.)

While we were in Austin visiting my grandmother in the hospital, against our better judgment we decided to visit Ikea and try to buy the lighting I found and fell in love with on their website. I should have known better (considering the run in I had with Ikea over the phone several months back) than to abandon my vow to never give them another minute of my time. However, when we discovered it was just down the road a little ways from our hotel room and my uncle said it was really neat and had a good restaurant inside, I could hear its huge blue walls literally calling out my name. It's sort of like that little swollen taste bud on the tip of your tongue you just can't leave alone. You know it hurts to bite it, yet it begs you to anyway and makes you think that if you do it just ONE more time, it might go away... but nope! Lying, conniving little stinker.

For the love of all that's decent and normal, is there a good reason someone didn't tell me that it's a MAZE? Literally! Who designed that place and what the sam hill were they smoking when they did it? I must say, this is not a good store for a claustrophobic type person to be wandering around in. It took me over half an hour of wandering and fighting off the mobs of poor, lost Ikea nomads to find the lighting section of the labyrinth, and that was even using those ridiculous "you are here" maps. I'm sorry, but any store of that size that needs "you are here" maps really should just implode and save society the misery of its ridiculousness.

So we found this supposedly wonderful restaurant (which is obviously there solely to provide sustenance during the long journey from point A to point B - IF you can find it - else you may just drop dead out of sheer exhaustion. Or confusion. Or annoyance.) and even though my lovely man doesn't like to eat cafeteria style, he found something that sounded good. So off I went to collect a few things while he ordered his food (I rarely eat out, and definitely not in the middle of anxiety attack inducing labyrinth "you are here" signs *shudders*). He got his tray, a fork and knife and started to go down the line when all of a sudden he saw someone handle raw chicken without gloves, then (without washing his hands!!) turn around and start messing with the cooked foods line! Umm, can we say major health code violation?? So the D-man said "thanks, but no thanks!" and called me (love those nifty cellphones in the insane doped up maze stores) to tell me and I found my way back to the cafeteria and led him back with me to the lighting where we had even more fun *rolls eyes* discovering that the chandelier I liked online was ugly in person. We did find a pendant light for over the sink/bar (which I'm now not sure I love after all - I was very confused and disoriented, not unlike a lab rat - but what the heck, it was only $12 and there's always Ebay) and a few almost-flush flat-like lights to replace the ugly fake brass ones in the hall and front doorway (I love fake brass about as much as I love insane maze stores). The track lighting I had my eye on wasn't bright enough for the place we wanted it, and Diddy was more than *slightly* irritated at the whole international shopping experience at this point, so I gave up looking for a replacement. We did manage to find a couple toilet paper holders that are nice, brushed nickel, but came without screws (which I find out three days later as I attempted to mount it on the cabinet). Ok, Ikea, how hard is it to include a couple of screws in your toilet paper holder package, or at the very least have the decency to say "screws not included" on the outside of the box? Even toy makers are nice enough to tell you when you need to buy batteries to operate their junk... what's your problem?

After more time and wandering around the maze (maybe if we ever go again - doubtful - we should borrow some nitrous oxide from my dentist first because you obviously have to be high to enjoy that experience) we found the checkout place and started to check ourselves out. It was then and only then we see that you have to pay 5 cents per plastic bag. Ok, so I'm all for saving the environment, yadda yadda yadda, but again, wish someone would have told me that you have to BUY your bags! I had a whole bunch of the environmentally dangerous scary plastic bags and a roll of paper towels back at the hotel that I brought for the trip in case the Molly dog decided to embark on one of her pukefests in the (pet friendly) room. But nooooo. I was not armed with the buy your own plastic bags knowledge and hence did not have my own non-green bags, so we bought the 60 cent huge blue crunchy "disposable" bag to carry our findings. I figured we could use it for something later on, like wrapping up a whole bunch of dissected bug parts smooshed into my dogs' excrement and sending it to Ikea headquarters along with a note saying, "I'd rather eat this than ever spend another dime in one of your stores again. Oh yeah... and you really should hire some better architects." (No offense to any Ikea architects, employees, crunchy blue bags, or in-tact bugs intended.)

So even though I HATE Ikea (now more than ever, even) they managed to weasel over $40 out of us (and a good talking to for that chicken incident as well). Down with Ikea! I think I should start a boycott. Are you with me?? We can start a picket line and get a petition going and everything. Just give me a minute. I think I need some new dishes...

Did I Miss the Memo?? (A vent)

I think January must have been declared "Tell Crystal How Much She Sucks" month because that's exactly what has been going on. Did someone send out a memo, and I just missed it? In the past few days, I've been told in so many words that I'm small, horrible, harsh, foolish, rude, and "out to get" someone because of two things. What are those two obviously horrible things?

1.) Replying to someone's question, that no I do not plan on seeing An Inconvenient Truth and I don't believe the current theory on global warming.

2.) Disagreeing with someone and not sugar-coating it.

I didn't realize that not sugar-coating something I disagreed with made me out to be a monster. I'm not a rude or harsh person. Well, I guess I can be harsh with my dogs when they're disobedient and I can be a little snippety when in an argument with a family member, but I'm never just rude to people for the sake of being rude (except for the occasional telemarketer!) It's just not me. However, I'm very matter of fact and frank. A real tell it like it is type person. I guess some people can't handle that combined with the lack of facial expressions and voice inflections in online communication. I could easily be rude to people (I can't stand ignorance or stupidity - especially when combined with a know-it-all attitude!) but I respect people too much to act on it.

As for the first point, I don't even know what to say. I honestly couldn't stop laughing at that one. I'm glad it wasn't an "in person" conversation, because I think my laughter would have been seen as offensive. I'm so shocked by people sometimes. I am anything but ignorant when it comes to the topic of global warming and living "green". I just refuse to bow to the religion of it, and I actually realize that a DVD put out by a politician isn't the only (or best) source of info on the matter. I like living green. I prefer organic foods, I drive fuel efficient vehicles, I'd *love* a zero-energy home if it was within the realm of financial possibility. We try to recycle, we use energy efficient light bulbs when practical, I like rechargeable batteries (is that "green"?) I'm seriously considering bamboo flooring instead of oak or other hard woods, I try to take shorter showers and turn off the water while brushing my teeth. I avoid Styrofoam and junk like that, and would take paper over plastic if it were available. *sigh* But, I guess I'm still a monster. I mean, after all, I do exhale that horrible CO2 substance. I do generate waste. I do have an electric bill and fill up my car at a gas station instead of plug it into the wall. Oh, and I don't believe in the current theory of "global warming". So I guess that makes me (along with hundreds of scientists, climatologists, and other "experts") small, horrible, and foolish. Oh well. I guess I've been called worse. I'm a big girl... I can take it (and generate a ton of creepy CO2 while at it!) ;o)

Thursday Thirteen #1

Thirteen Things That Ticked Me Off This Week

1. My stupid tooth that won't stop bothering me, even after paying over $700 to get it fixed.

2. The grocery checker and bagger who would not listen to me when I told them something funky was leaking out of a package I bought.

3. My silly dog who refuses to learn to stop pooping on my floor, yet is too darn cute for me to stay mad.

4. The people who take advantage of my husband.

5. Finding out that carrying a carton of icecream by it's lid is NOT a wise idea.

6. Someone stating that I am mad at mothers who chose to not wait to have their children.

7. People who act like they understand things when they really don't have a clue.

8. People whining about trivial matters when other people have serious problems yet handle them with grace (LOL No, not me... I'm not graceful!)

9. The person that almost ran me over as he zoomed down the street going way too fast today.

10. Dropping little bitty tiny beads (that cost a few cents each!) all over the floor and having to grab them all up before the dogs get them.

11. Finding out that cloned meat and dairy could be on our shelves soon, possibly unmarked as such.

12. Getting too full to move after eating only 1/2 bowl of soup.

13. Living in an unfair world where people get what they don't deserve while the people who do deserve it are left high and dry.

Yeah, you can see it hasn't been a fun week. ;o) Maybe next week will be better and I'll post thirteen things that made me happy! :o)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants