The Handwriting on the Wall

Do you ever find yourself wishing that you could hand the Lord a Sharpie? Just toss one of the big permanent black ones up to the heavens and shout, "Okay, God. You, me, after work in the back room. Times New Romans size 5,403 please?" It seems to me that this method would be the easiest. I mean, who could miss His voice that way? Who would be bold enough to ignore His will presented in that manner... or worse yet... be unrighteous enough to paint over it?

There have been so many times in my life where I have hoped and prayed for a message of direction from the Lord to be as clear as the ink from a big black Sharpie against a stark white wall. He has spoken to me in many ways, mostly the usual ones... but so far, He hasn't humored me in this request. This is a week that I could really use it!

My husband and I are on that joyous and exciting yet terribly frustrating road to becoming first time home owners. At the time of this posting, we have viewed eight homes both inside and out and so many on the outside alone that I lost count weeks ago. The prospect of becoming tens of thousands of dollars in debt overnight is enough to make this Irish gal's blood run cold. I have never been good at making decisions and this is certainly no exception!

This journey has been covered in prayer every step of the way, but yet I am confused as to what the next and perhaps final step should be. It was only yesterday that I thought I knew for sure. We viewed our favorite prospect for the second time, and took a friend who builds homes along to give us his expert opinon on the matter. It was still love at second sight. This house has so much curb appeal to me, I smile when I think about it. It is so much better than I ever thought our first home could be. I love everything about it... almost. I didn't even realize there was an "almost" until today's wee hours of its morning.

Dustin's friend discovered the home still has some aluminum wiring and the price he estimated for getting it replaced with copper greatly discouraged me. We have since found out that it is not as huge a job or as big a bill as we originally thought... but it put a bug in my ear and caused me to look at things a bit deeper. I woke up this morning knowing that the wiring would be alright, but thinking to myself that I really was not sure that we could live with the size of the home happily for very long. I went from being so certain that it was "home" to thinking that the dining room and kitchen are much too small to be practical for a family that could be potentially growing very soon. Whether I am being irrational or not, I am not sure. I am sure, however, that I wish the Lord would whip out the Sharpie now!

Two days ago, we started praying that He would make it crystal clear if we were to make an offer on this house or not. I have prayed that He would show us if it were the wrong home. I now find myself wondering if this is indeed Him pointing this out to me... or if it is just my old voice of doubt rearing its ugly head once again. It is quite possible that He allowed us to learn about the wiring just so I would take a step back from my "inloveness" (to borrow from a word I recently read in an autobiography) with this home and see past the outward beauty of it to the inward problems it may pose for us. It is also very possible that this is just my fear being called into play... or even perhaps my sporadic inability to be satisfied.

Is this the "be still..." command? Or is it time to exercise my free will and just make a decision?

Lord... I have in my possession both black and blue Sharpies. Take your pick, and I'll send it on up! (Oh, and can I borrow a few bucks for overnight postage? I need this answer soon!)