Thursday, January 31, 2008

Oh, the shame!

I've been baaad, bloggy friends. BAD! A bad blogger, a bad bloggy buddy, a bad... well... enough alliterations for one post, no?

I'm once again in a funky place where I don't know what to write about. During any given day, you can catch me moping around the house, sighing and thinking, "Dangit! I don't know what to write about!" Ok, not really. Well, maybe the moping part a little. Or a lot. Moping is what I'm good at these days. I have a lot of deep things weighing on my mind lately with no real resolution for them and it's getting old.

I know all three of my faithful readers are missing my wit, my charm, and my ability to make them laugh with a single act of locking myself in the bathroom... naked. I'm sorry I've been neglectful of this most important duty. I'm also sorry I have not been visiting your witty, charmy, funny blogs and commenting as much as I should.

So what's been going on in Crystal land lately? Not much, really. I'm getting my hair cut next week. I haven't cut it in a long time. It's about at my shoulders right now, and I think I'll cut it to my chin. That's my favorite length. I'm not fond of long hair.

I have nothing new to report on the adoption front. In fact, we have not done anything on that front at all. I'm having some big feelings about it that I can't quite get past. Not about adopting in general, just the route we're considering taking and the lack of control I will have there in certain areas that are important to me. It's NOT a route I particularly want to take, but my husband does, so we are at a stand still. Plus, there is simply no time to pursue it at the moment, so who knows when it will happen. If it ever happens. At this point in time, I have great doubts about whether or not we will ever really become parents. I'm sorta leaning towards no on that one, but I guess time will tell.

Also, in the past year, I've had a major shift in thinking in many areas. I'm totally not the same person I was two years ago. Except for the phobias. Those are still there. No matter what changes, rest assured, the phobias will be there to keep me grounded! *rolls eyes* One of the things I have dramatically changed my thinking on is how I feel about certain aspects of parenting and disciplining. My beliefs on the matter no longer conform to what most of my family believes - including my spouse. And I feel so strongly about them that I am unwilling to waver from them. So this should be interesting (if we ever become parents, which, again, probably not ever going to happen!). But hopefully these things have a way of working themselves out... right?

At this point in my life I feel very much stuck in limbo. And to be quite honest with you, I don't like it so much!

I've been staying up way too late and sleeping late too. I reorganized how things are categorized on our website last night, and started working on paperwork for taxes. I baked bread from scratch for yesterday's dinner for the first time in a very long time. It was ok, but kinda crunchy on the outside.

We watched the first season of Heroes last month and loved it. We also watched last season's Lost and are very excited that the new season starts tonight (and are VERY excited that we love DVR so much). And did I tell you that we bought a friggin huge TV? Yeah. Right before Christmas, we found a 37" flat screen LCD HDTV and decided to treat ourselves. Apparently playing XBox on an HDTV is a lot better than on a regular TV. Do they even make regular TVs anymore? At first I felt really guilty about all the money we spent in the second half of last year. But then I remembered how hard we've been working the past several years, and how much we cut back and saved and scrimped and then I didn't feel so bad anymore. It took us years to get out of debt and build up a good bit of savings. We're FINALLY able to reward ourselves a little... and there's no shame in that, right?

But no more big spending for a while. Or at least until we decide to rip out the floors, which I'm hoping will happen around spring break. We've been planning that the entire time we've lived here (almost two years!) and have not yet done it. Well, I'm getting very sick of it not being done, so I am making a point this year that it WILL get done before my birthday in June. Even if I have to hire someone to come and do it, it WILL get done.

So maybe I have a little more to talk about than I thought...


Heidi @ GGIP said...

Yes, it does sound that you in fact have a lot to say.

I can just imagine that all the decisions that need to be made on adoption are extremely difficult.

And as for parenting methods, I think almost everyone has their ideas about how children should be raised. Many of those get thrown out over time. However, it is important to mostly agree on what you're actually going to do.

Much prayer for you on both points. There is time.

Catherine said...

Yay for short hair! A few weeks ago I cut about 12" off my hair and donated it to Locks of Love. Having short hair is so freeing!

Shannon said...

It's hard having a different mindset about children and discipline than your family and friends. I know all too well...

Congrats on the big TV! At least you have cable to watch on it :)

Shannon said...
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The Rock Chick said...

You always have a lot to talk about. You are a lot like me, though. Most of the time I don't think I have much of anything all that interesting to say...(it's not true!) LOL

I have friends who adopted and I know there's many paths to take. They ended up with a baby girl from China. She's beautiful! It was a long road for them, too.

Being the mom of four teenagers, I can tell you that parenting and your ideas about it constantly evolve with time, events and with each child. My kids have all been raised in the same house with the same parents and are very close in age. You'd think they'd be somewhat similar, but no.

Other than the fact that they are all good kids and good people (they do have their moments), they all have VERY different personalities. What works with one kid doesn't work at all with another. I may (or may not) change my opinion based on how strongly they feel about something. It usually works..

When I was little, my mom was adamant, that we would all go to Catholic school. I wanted to go to public school. By 2nd grade, she said "one year" and let me go to public school. I stayed in public school through high school, while my siblings all went to Catholic schools. I was very happy and thrived there and it was the right decision for me.

You'll see...when the time will do the right things. I have no doubt about that at all!!


Chelsea Rae said...

I have missed your blogging! I am a faithful blog checker :)

scbwolfe said...

Hey! We just sent in our adoption application to adopt a little girl from China. We had no idea how hard it would be to make decisions about where to adopt from, what age, what agency, etc. I'm praying for you ... please feel free to ask any questions. You knwow where to find me!


Kim said...

LOL @ 3 faithful readers - judging by the comments you've got WAY more than that! I've been a bad bloggy friend lately too - not much in updates, and I've still got 123 (yes - 123) blog entries in my Google Reader that I've yet to catch up on!

Sorry to hear you're in a bit of a funk - but I'm praying that you and your husband can come to an agreement about the adoption thing!