Tuesday, February 28, 2006

T Minus 22 Days!

We only have twenty two days until we close on our house. Oh yes... I guess I forgot to mention that we found one! And oh what a beauty she is. I would always roll my eyes or laugh everytime someone told me that when we walked in "our house" for the first time we would just know it. I guess I rolled too soon though, because I fell in love with this one from the moment I laid eyes on her. I caught it just as it went on the market, and we drove by it wondering to ourselves, "what is wrong with this house, that they have priced it so low?"

The neighborhood is so wonderful. The home is only a few years old, and it is surrounded by homes that are easily worth twice as much as it is. The yard is great, and the interior is a great size for us. It needs some cosmetic work (and a lot of elbow grease... apparently everyone's definition of "clean" is different!) but it can all be done in time.

We had our realtor write up the contract the night we viewed it. We offered, they countered, we accepted. We're getting it for a honey of a deal! My husband seems to think that the stressful part of our house hunting adventure is over with. But to me, this is the worst part!

Hi... my name is Crystal... and I'm a hoarder of all things chocolate. Oh, and money too. ;o) I know that I do not "love" money... but I sure do hate to spend what I have... and I certainly hate to not have any at all! So this has been very difficult for me. It seems like everytime I turn around, there's someone else wanting some of our hard earned green stuff! An inspector there... an appraiser here... a lender there... another inspector right over here. Each check is painful to write! I've rather enjoyed watching our money grow in our bank account... behaving all nicely and earning all that interest. But it's slowly trickling down and by the end of it, it will be over half way gone! Oh oh oh! I don't like this one bit. *lol* Perhaps God is trying to teach me to just be able to let it go. I think I'm afraid of having nothing. That is not a place I ever want to find myself again. A part of me thinks if I can just hold on to some of this cash, we would always be comfortable... but I know that's not a rational thought.

My husband has always been the confident one when it comes to trusting the Lord. It almost seems to come easy to him. Perhaps God has blessed him with that because if he were like me, we'd be in serious trouble! God has certainly placed us in certain situations and has gotten us through different circumstances and trials that have caused me to put more trust in Him... and also in my husband. There have been a few decisions we (or he) have made that I just could not see how they would work out... but God has been so merciful. He has created paths for us that no one else could... and He has walked us through places that don't make sense to the naked worldly eye but in hind's sight have been the best and most beautiful places through which we have been yet. He's allowed me to hit rock bottom spiritually so I could finally start to truly understand what His love and grace is all about and see but a glimpse of His glorious character. By taking us through doors that seemed to be leading down paths that were dead ends, He has proven that even though His ways don't always make sense to us or anyone around us, we absolutely cannot fail by submitting to His will.

So why does this trusting thing come so hard for me? You'd think that by now I would have learned my lesson. How much longer will I reply to God's words, "just trust me... I will never fail you" with a smug, "Oh yeah? Prove it!" instead of a humble "yes, Lord."

I'd love to tell myself that if He gets me through these next 22 days, that will be enough... it will be the final line in my pattern of trust for Him... but I know better! I'm not sure my flesh is capable of that amount of trust. I fear that I will fear until the day that I die. Surely not though... surely at some point I will be able to submit it completely to God and allow His peace to fill those places of my soul and transform those doubts in my mind to knowledge of His faithfulness. But until then, I just hope these next 22 days don't drive me insane. ;o)

1 comment:

Glad said...

I'm very excited for you! This is a big step, but it is also a good one. Hang in there and look forward to the day when we're all perfected.