What am I singing?

This is my first attempt at a blog. Long, long ago and far, far away I used to have a website with an online journal where I would record my life and various ramblings. It was a place where I could unload and unwind... laugh and cry... and in the process allow family and friends a glimpse into the soul of me.

I've been pondering this whole blogging matter for a while, but I kept putting it off for lack of direction as to what I would want to say. Could I possibly have anything important enough to talk about that others would actually be interested in reading on? I still don't know the answer to that question, but that's okay for now. All I know is I love to write... music, poetry, letters... anything, really... and I've realized that when I put my words to paper, they aren't merely words, they are indeed my heart, and it always helps me to see just where I am and where I'm headed and whether or not I'm liking it all.

For those of you that know even a smidgen about me, you know that a large part of my life is music. It always has been, but it hasn't always been of the magnitude it is now. I have been singing since I was old enough to know how to make any type of noise, whether it be joyful or not... but only in the recent few years has God expanded my horizon and put new songs in my mouth... and they truly are songs of praise to my God. I have become addicted to worship. Nothing allows me to feel the peace and joy of the Lord more so than a well written, God centered worship song, so I cannot express how awesome it is for me to be allowed to write those very songs.

I've been stagnant lately though. Stagnant in my life in general and stagnant in my walk with the Lord. This lack of motion has produced a lapse in creativity in my writing. It is painful for me to realize this, since the closest I ever feel to the Lord is when I'm writing just for Him. Just one on one... me and my Abba... He taking my hand in His, using me as a pen and instrument to bring Himself glory. This is what I was created for afterall... bringing Him glory... and in it is to be found the greatest joy I have ever known. Nothing pains me more than to realize my life at this very moment is not a clear reflection of that glory... my life's song, the song of my soul, is not being filled with the music of His heart... but rather, it's being muddled by the imperfections of my doubts, fears, insecurities, and lack of faith. The symphony of my life is no longer in harmony because I have failed to watch the every move and every breath of my Conductor. I must choose to focus on Him and His leading, instead of myself and what I may perceive to be the right notes... for then and only then will my life again be an expression of His heart, filled with His perfect melody.

So I write this blog in hopes that tracking my journey will enable me to reach my destination all the more soon. But then again, is bringing the Lord glory a destination that can ever be fully reached? Or is it a never ending journey deep into the heart and mind of God... a heart and mind that I believe is ever growing and ever deepening with love, passion, power, and grace... constantly filling His voice, which is able to be heard down through the depths of the earth, with the very song He sweetly whispers in my ear... ever calling... ever leading me gently back into His merciful arms, allowing my soul to sing His music of glory once again no matter how out of tune I have allowed my spirit to become?

Either way, I choose to sing... and blog on.