Thursday, January 26, 2006

What am I singing?

This is my first attempt at a blog. Long, long ago and far, far away I used to have a website with an online journal where I would record my life and various ramblings. It was a place where I could unload and unwind... laugh and cry... and in the process allow family and friends a glimpse into the soul of me.

I've been pondering this whole blogging matter for a while, but I kept putting it off for lack of direction as to what I would want to say. Could I possibly have anything important enough to talk about that others would actually be interested in reading on? I still don't know the answer to that question, but that's okay for now. All I know is I love to write... music, poetry, letters... anything, really... and I've realized that when I put my words to paper, they aren't merely words, they are indeed my heart, and it always helps me to see just where I am and where I'm headed and whether or not I'm liking it all.

For those of you that know even a smidgen about me, you know that a large part of my life is music. It always has been, but it hasn't always been of the magnitude it is now. I have been singing since I was old enough to know how to make any type of noise, whether it be joyful or not... but only in the recent few years has God expanded my horizon and put new songs in my mouth... and they truly are songs of praise to my God. I have become addicted to worship. Nothing allows me to feel the peace and joy of the Lord more so than a well written, God centered worship song, so I cannot express how awesome it is for me to be allowed to write those very songs.

I've been stagnant lately though. Stagnant in my life in general and stagnant in my walk with the Lord. This lack of motion has produced a lapse in creativity in my writing. It is painful for me to realize this, since the closest I ever feel to the Lord is when I'm writing just for Him. Just one on one... me and my Abba... He taking my hand in His, using me as a pen and instrument to bring Himself glory. This is what I was created for afterall... bringing Him glory... and in it is to be found the greatest joy I have ever known. Nothing pains me more than to realize my life at this very moment is not a clear reflection of that glory... my life's song, the song of my soul, is not being filled with the music of His heart... but rather, it's being muddled by the imperfections of my doubts, fears, insecurities, and lack of faith. The symphony of my life is no longer in harmony because I have failed to watch the every move and every breath of my Conductor. I must choose to focus on Him and His leading, instead of myself and what I may perceive to be the right notes... for then and only then will my life again be an expression of His heart, filled with His perfect melody.

So I write this blog in hopes that tracking my journey will enable me to reach my destination all the more soon. But then again, is bringing the Lord glory a destination that can ever be fully reached? Or is it a never ending journey deep into the heart and mind of God... a heart and mind that I believe is ever growing and ever deepening with love, passion, power, and grace... constantly filling His voice, which is able to be heard down through the depths of the earth, with the very song He sweetly whispers in my ear... ever calling... ever leading me gently back into His merciful arms, allowing my soul to sing His music of glory once again no matter how out of tune I have allowed my spirit to become?

Either way, I choose to sing... and blog on.

12 comments:

Jessica Morris said...

Welcome to the blog world!! You are the first crosswalk person using blogspot. At least that I have found! Will you post any of your songs? Have a great day!

Crystal said...

Thanks! I will consider it. I only have one that is "protected" right now so that makes me a bit hesitant since the WWW is so open!

lrlwreath said...

Thanks for letting me know, now I can check in on you =))

Anonymous said...

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GIFT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU TO BE ABLE TO PUT YOUR HEART ONTO THE WRITTEN PAGE. God is indeed on the THRONE and HE is, has and will use you for HIS GLory. It is in these down times that you learn about HIM and about yourself. Use this as a time of perfecting and for searching and for learning. Our lives are our journey's back to HIM from where sin has put us. You will be in my prayers as GOD continues to teach you and show you HIS character and HIS love for you. THank you for sharing with me...........Love Faye (mazengrace)

Anonymous said...

Your steps are ordered by God. Sometimes, we feel as though we have parted from His side...that our tiny fingers have somehow lost grip of the hem of His garment. But this is when He is closest to us and us to him. You see, your steps are ordered - they are set in sand. And unlike foot prints at the beach, His steps for us do not wither, do not dissapear, do not fade when waves come. Only your feet match these steps - they are the only ones that fit. So you see, God has you treading familiar ground to bring you closer to Him. He knows your steps, your thoughts, your dreams, before you do. You are right where you need to be. Oh, and Crystal, you are bringing Him glory.

Anonymous said...

Crystal,
I knew you had a talent from God for writing... poetry, songs, etc, since I have heard most of what you have written. I am not sure I realized what an excellent writer you really are. Your first post literally brought tears to my eyes.. but then, I am a big cry baby. Keep doing this. And keep letting me know when you have posted something new. And keep seeking to use the talent God obviously gave you to glorify Him.

Crystal said...

Thanks for all the wonderful comments and encouragements!

I have a request... could you please identify yourselves? ;o)

Ryanne said...

Welcome to your first blog!!!

Mom said...

Crystal,
Think about what anoymous said, and how it was phrased.....from that alone you should know who penned those words. I've always known from the very first cells of your being that you were created to bring Glory to The Almighty God. I'm always there for the precious gift you are that was given to me by God. Before you were born I loved you. Now I'm proud to say that you are more than my daughter, you are also my friend.

Tina said...

Hello Crystal,

In many ways I can identify with what you have written here. I have my entire life felt the pull of a calling, creative and otherwise, in music, drama, and writing especially.

Like you, I've been lurking in a comfort zone that has stagnated my connection with the Lord. I am hoping to push past that barrier and reinvigorate my own walk with the work I will be doing on my blog.

I've just started a new blog and have been cruising around the blogosphere for blogs that will inspire me and those who may visit my site.

I found you on the christian blogosphere blogroll. Many of the blogs there are not kept up to date so I am going to add you directly to my own blogroll if you don't mind.

God bless, and do pop by when you get a chance and let me know what you think of my little space.

www.maidensong.wordpress.com

Tina

52 Faces said...

Hi Crystal!

Really great to stumble upon your blog from Smitteniche.

You've got a fantastic blog design, I'm now going to hunt for who did it...

S of 52 Faces

52 Faces said...

Ah - the same place that did mine!
lolol
Small blogworld