Fun with Numbers

A little over a week ago, I purchased some items from a certain home goods store that shall remain nameless. I wanted some bamboo/wood-like objects to use as jewelry photo props and I found some online for a good price and with free shipping.

This sounds like it's going to be a normal story, right?

Wrong.

Because nothing in our lives is normal right now. It's the curse of the license plate. I know it is. No, no. Just like everything else at the moment, this story has a bizarre twist.

Are you on the edges of your seat yet? No? Well, ok, then. I'll wait.

*twiddles thumbs impatiently* (What the yahoo does "twiddle" even mean?! And what the sam friggin' hill does it have to do with thumbs and the lack of patience?)

You there yet? Cool. Now we can begin. Slow poke.

Early Tuesday afternoon, the doorbell rang. I thought, "Ooooh, my bamboo/wood-like jewelry photo props from a certain home goods store that shall remain nameless are heeeeere!" (Yes, I thought it exactly like that. And then I did a happy dance.) Indeed, it was the FedEx guy with my home goods stuff all boxed up.

He gave me four or five boxes and I look at him a little funny, but thank him and go back inside as he went back out to his truck to leave. Or so I thought. I was in the middle of something, so I did not open my bamboo/wood-like things right away. About a minute later, the doorbell rang again. I thought, "Now what?!"

FedEx guy again. With five or six more boxes. I said, "Wow, I don't remember ordering this much stuff!" and he gave me The Look. You know the one. The "u-huh, sure lady, whatever you say" look. I thanked him again and went back inside, bewildered at this mass of boxes now stacked in my living room.

I counted. Eleven boxes. Eleven.

I still was not finished with what I was doing, but I thought I should maybe open up my bamboo/wood-like things and tear up the boxes before they begin multiplying again and sprouting extra limbs or something. I had a lovely discussion in my head about how un-eco-friendly this certain home goods store was being, sending each item in its own huge shipping box. The nerve! The un-green-ness! The anti-environmental-ocity! Idgits.

I opened up the first box and peeked inside. I found the invoice and blinked. Six items on the invoice. Six. Eleven boxes. Six items.

Whut?

I dig a little deeper into the box and pull out... six items. Six items in one box. With ten more to go.

By this time I'm reallly confused and grab the next box and rip it open. Inside I find one invoice and six items. The same six items.

Holy yahoo, they do multiply! One order, six items, one box - eleven times. The certain home goods store sent my six items that I ordered once eleven times.

I suddenly realized that I should check my credit card to make sure it was charged only once. It was. I called the certain home goods store and began to tell the lady the story. She mumbled something about "being charged as many times as you push that little submit button". I stopped her and informed her of my credit card being charged but once and my paranoia of pushing the submit button more than once. Yes, people, it's a true paranoia. Pushing that submit button, you must understand, sends a jolt of panic up and down my spine and I click it as quickly and as lightly as I possibly can so as to not awake the multiple-click-submit-button-dragon, angering him and causing him to charge my credit card multiple times. So you see, dear certain home goods store that shall remain nameless lady, that scenario is virtually impossible.

She believed me. I think.

"Eleven boxes?"
"Eleven boxes."
"Eleven?!"
"Yes."
"Of the same stuff?"
"U-huh."
"Wow."
"Yeah."

Then she laughed. Me? Not so much because she then told me that she'd be calling me two days later and setting a time for FedEx to return to collect the ten extra boxes. Oh joy. Three days of eleven boxes full of over $500 worth of merchandise that does not belong to me in my one small living room.



Thursday she called and said FedEx would be coming Friday.

Friday morning the doorbell rang. FedEx guy. The same FedEx guy. He gave me a confused smile as I pushed the ten boxes of six items each towards him. He gave me The Look. Not the first look, mind you, a new The Look. This look was more like, "Women!!!" (complete with the so-exasperated-can-almost-see-the-nonexistent-eyeroll-for-you-
crazy-hormonal-indecisive-creatures-expression). Oh, FedEx guy. If only you knew.

I was so tempted to rifle through all eleven boxes and pick out the best of each six items. But I didn't. Mostly out of exhaustion. A certain home goods store that shall remain nameless better be dang glad that I'm an honest person.

Cause one of those six items? Nice cloth-lined basket. I really could have found a use for eleven cloth-lined baskets.