I'm a firm believer in forgiveness and grace. You know this already. I don't like to hold a grudge, nor do I like one held against me.
So what happens when someone offends you deeply (a rare occurrence) and you just cannot let it go? You try. You ask God for help. But you can't. The bitter roots run deep.
What does that mean?
Try as I may, the very sight of certain people turns my stomach and makes my blood run cold. Even after pleading with God to change my heart about it. This bothers me almost as deeply as the bitter roots go... but obviously not quite there yet. I hate this about me.
That is all.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Random Fact of the Day #6
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
4 comments:
I look at it this way.....fortunately, out of the thousands of people I've had the pleasure of knowing in my 42 years of life, I can think of maybe 2 that "fit the bill" you are describing. In both instances, the hurt the inflicted was not only intentional, it was repeated.
I struggled with the same feelings you are writing about and one day because it really bothered me. It dawned on me that it bothered me because I would never intentionally harm someone, but this person doesn't care if they do or not.
I know the blood boiling, sickening feeling it causes and I've determined that I'm hanging onto it because it's some sort of internal warning sign as to how dangerous and hurtful this person could be if you give them the chance to hurt you again. Look at is a protective device instead of something wrong with you for not being able to let it go.
I know where you are coming from.
I know how you feel. And I hate feeling that way about people too. It's easy (sometimes) to forgive, but it's impossible to forget.
I think this is something all humans struggle with, and I understand where you are coming from. It is a difficult thing to wrestle against.
I hate this about myself as well. I try to remember though that I can choose to forgive someone, but that does not mean I have to feel warm and fuzzy about them. Hurt creates a wariness that is understandable, and forgiving someone does not mean I have to give them the opportunity to hurt me again. It is a fine line though when you are dealing with a bitterness that nags at you, I get what you are saying. Sometimes journalling all my yucky feelings out onto paper makes me feel better...at least a little anyway.
*hugs*
Post a Comment