Always Here

Periodically I like to read through my poetry and play through a few of my songs. Going over them today, this song stood out to me. I wrote it a couple years back during a time that was hard, but when I could still plainly see God's hand in my life and feel His peace. In my heart of hearts, I know He's still there... I just can't seem to find Him lately. I don't know how to get back to the place of His peace. So much of me has been broken down, there's not much left other than pain and anger and that's pretty scary. Too many people lose their faith and abandon God over such deep pain... the thought absolutely terrifies me. I so desperately want to be assured that He's here with me, just like always. I know it's true, I just can't feel it... but then again, Christianity and faith aren't supposed to be based on feelings. I guess that's why they call it faith, it's not tangible. I could definitely use an extra dose of that stuff lately along with a good shot of reassurance.


Always Here

I feel the joy of your mighty rain pouring down
I hear the wind whispering your name
I see the clouds breaking way for your majesty
It's so clear to me that right now, right now

I see you, I see your power
I feel you, I feel your grace
It's times like these I know you're near me
You're always here... always here

Each time I fall your gentle hands lift me up
Captivating me in your perfect love
And though it seems there's a mountain in front of me
What's so clear to me is right now, right now

I see you, I see your power
I feel you, I feel your grace
It's times like these I know you're near me
You're always here... always here

And when I fear, you quiet me in your love
As you rejoice over me and sing!

I see you, I see your power
I feel you, I feel your grace
It's times like these I know you're near me
You're always here... always here


© Crystal M.H. 2007

Did I Miss the Memo?? (A vent)

I think January must have been declared "Tell Crystal How Much She Sucks" month because that's exactly what has been going on. Did someone send out a memo, and I just missed it? In the past few days, I've been told in so many words that I'm small, horrible, harsh, foolish, rude, and "out to get" someone because of two things. What are those two obviously horrible things?

1.) Replying to someone's question, that no I do not plan on seeing An Inconvenient Truth and I don't believe the current theory on global warming.

2.) Disagreeing with someone and not sugar-coating it.

I didn't realize that not sugar-coating something I disagreed with made me out to be a monster. I'm not a rude or harsh person. Well, I guess I can be harsh with my dogs when they're disobedient and I can be a little snippety when in an argument with a family member, but I'm never just rude to people for the sake of being rude (except for the occasional telemarketer!) It's just not me. However, I'm very matter of fact and frank. A real tell it like it is type person. I guess some people can't handle that combined with the lack of facial expressions and voice inflections in online communication. I could easily be rude to people (I can't stand ignorance or stupidity - especially when combined with a know-it-all attitude!) but I respect people too much to act on it.

As for the first point, I don't even know what to say. I honestly couldn't stop laughing at that one. I'm glad it wasn't an "in person" conversation, because I think my laughter would have been seen as offensive. I'm so shocked by people sometimes. I am anything but ignorant when it comes to the topic of global warming and living "green". I just refuse to bow to the religion of it, and I actually realize that a DVD put out by a politician isn't the only (or best) source of info on the matter. I like living green. I prefer organic foods, I drive fuel efficient vehicles, I'd *love* a zero-energy home if it was within the realm of financial possibility. We try to recycle, we use energy efficient light bulbs when practical, I like rechargeable batteries (is that "green"?) I'm seriously considering bamboo flooring instead of oak or other hard woods, I try to take shorter showers and turn off the water while brushing my teeth. I avoid Styrofoam and junk like that, and would take paper over plastic if it were available. *sigh* But, I guess I'm still a monster. I mean, after all, I do exhale that horrible CO2 substance. I do generate waste. I do have an electric bill and fill up my car at a gas station instead of plug it into the wall. Oh, and I don't believe in the current theory of "global warming". So I guess that makes me (along with hundreds of scientists, climatologists, and other "experts") small, horrible, and foolish. Oh well. I guess I've been called worse. I'm a big girl... I can take it (and generate a ton of creepy CO2 while at it!) ;o)

Thursday Thirteen #6

Thirteen Things I'd Never Do as a Millionaire

1. Buy ridiculously expensive new vehicles. I'd get a nice one, for sure, but an overpriced one just for the status? No thanks.

2. Buy a McMansion.

3. Tell people that I was a millionaire. lol (See? Maybe I am already. Guess you'll never know, eh?) ;o)

4. Wear designer labels just for the name (or maybe even at all!) That's one of the biggest wastes of $$ I can think of.

5. Look like a millionaire.

6. Buy designer label stuff for my dogs! (Ok, maybe that is the biggest waste of $$ I can think of!)

7. Hire a cook. A maid? Probably. A personal shopper? Perhaps. But a cook? Not a chance.

8. But any non-organic food products, if organic was available to me.

9. Shop at Wal-Mart! *GAGGGG*

10. Rest until we found a treatment that would take my husband's pain away.

11. Spoil my children with too much "stuff" and fail to teach them the value of honest work and wise money management.

12. Become more wasteful than I already am (which is already too much).

13. Forget where I came from and keep all the blessing to myself.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Pieces of Me

This song is dedicated to all women who don't quite feel complete, having lost or just not yet found all their missing pieces...

Pieces of Me

You're but a picture in my mind, just a song on my lips
A prayer towards heaven, all my lonely cries
Everything I've never known but have always missed

Pieces of me, you're never around
We play hide and seek but you're never found
Riding on the tails of hope and faith
So hard to hang on; so hard to be free
So hard to believe... missing pieces of me

Face of an angel not in sight, yet forever in my eyes
The beat of my heart, rhythm not yet played
Every reason I am torn, can you tell me why?

Pieces of me, you're never around
We play hide and seek but you're never found
Riding on the tails of hope and faith
So hard to hang on; so hard to be free
So hard to believe... missing pieces of me

So close I can almost hear your voice
So near, your sweet breath upon my cheek
But still so far, just out of reach
Tell me will you come to me? When will you come to me?

Pieces of me, you're never around
We play hide and seek but you're never found
Riding on the tails of hope and faith
So hard to hang on; so hard to be free
So hard to believe... missing pieces of me

© Crystal M.H. 2007

Thursday Thirteen #5

Thirteen Things I'd Never Do as a Mother

1. Cloth diaper. Sorry all you cloth diaper lovers, I just can't do it. I've seen what comes out of baby's butt, and I'm not sticking my hands in the toilet to get it off. *lol*

2. Open a bag or package or box of food - not yet bought and paid for - at the store and let junior eat it while shopping.

3. Wash my kids' mouths out with soap. I just don't think I could do it!

4. Put coke in junior's bottle. *shudders*

5. Lick my finger and then use it to wipe junior's face!!!

6. "Clean" a pacifier by licking it and wiping it on my jeans. *double shudder*

7. Pierce baby's ears. It's just not for me, no offense to baby ear piercing moms out there. ;o)

8. Go into debt for junior's birthday/Christmas parties/presents.

9. Do that weird infant potty training thing. Holding a screaming newborn over a toilet isn't really the bonding experience I'm looking forward to. *lol*

10. Let any hormonal boys come anywhere near my gorgeous daughter without at least my big, strong husband and a fully loaded M-16 between them. ;o)

11. Help junior out of the potty he fell into before grabbing a camera and taking a priceless picture with which I can blackmail him on the night of his first date.

12. Make my children wear ugly outdated clothes just because I'm getting old. *lol*

13. Say "never". *snicker*

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants