Monday, April 02, 2007

Marriage Monday - It's Not Me!




Hi, I'm Crystal. The controlling, condescending, argumentative, pessimistic (but a dreaming pessimist, mind you) fearful, impatient, procrastinating, lazy, manipulative wife. Or at least that's who I was when I first married my lovely hubby. What a catch I was, right? Or am I still that woman?

Today's assignment is to write about the person I was over six years ago in comparison to who I am today. I think in many ways I've changed, but in many I've stayed the same. In the first couple years of our marriage, we went through some rough times (not marital issues, just tough personal issues) that served to both strengthen me and tear me down. I quickly learned that being condescending would not serve me or my marriage well, and in fact, it could bring about death. Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." (NKJV) I don't find it coincidental that the very next verse speaks of the treasure and favor in finding a good wife. I know that the words we, as wives, speak to (and about) our husbands can serve to either destroy or build them up and this can take many shapes - spiritual, emotional, mental, and even physical. I had to learn very early on both how to hold my tongue (when I wanted to destroy) and use my tongue (when I needed to build up) if I wanted a husband. This has translated into how I approach other situations as well. I don't run into debates with blood boiling very often anymore. I figured out it's better to be informative and calm in an approach to a touchy subject than it is to be emotional and go in with guns blazing. That is one very big way I have changed I think.


Another thing I learned pretty quickly is that my husband cannot be manipulated. He's not one of the dumbed-down hubbies you see portrayed in the media these days (I never questioned his intelligence, just in case you were wondering lol) who can be conned into doing whatever the wife desires just by her "making him think it was his idea". Riiiight. Does that really ever work for anyone? He also taught me how important it is to respect both him as a person and his position.


My lovely hubby says that he's found that I have matured in my knowledge and understanding of God. I think I agree with that. I've definitely grown into my "child of God" skin in the past few years. As I wrote a few weeks ago, I've started to learn more OF and IN God instead of just ABOUT God. There really is a difference. To build on that though, I think I've just plain matured, period. I look back at things I did and said and see others do and say today and see how much I've changed. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, just reflecting. It's a bit sobering when you are horrified by something someone says or does and then realize that you yourself did or said that very thing just a few years ago.


Even though I have matured both in God and in life in general, there are still things about me that have not changed. I'm still very much fearful of many things... and some of those things have only gotten worse. I still deal with phobias and anxiety on a daily basis. I still struggle with control issues and with trusting God to manage the fine details of my life (even though He has never let me down even once) and I still make my husband have to work hard at being a good husband sometimes. lol I don't always make his job easy. However, we always work through it all and come out on the other side stronger and better for it. I can only attribute that to his love and patience and
His love and patience. It's definitely not me... neither the 6-years-ago me or the today me.

Please visit Fruit in Season to participate in and read more contributions to Marriage Monday!


6 comments:

Christine said...

You are so right when you speak of the media and how it portrays husbands. Either they're oversexed louts that sit around watching too much TV, or they're weak and sniveling and cowtow to their wives' wishes. How disrespectful to men! I loved to read how you've grown in the last 6 years. Thanks for posting!

devildogwife said...

"It's a bit sobering when you are horrified by something someone says or does and then realize that you yourself did or said that very thing just a few years ago."

So very true. The media does not set a very good example of good husband/father figures. It's very sad.

Thanks for sharing your growth story.

Jenny said...

Hi Crystal-

I have also dealt with phobias and anxieties. It use to drive my husband crazy in the early years of our marriage. I think your words about maturing in Christ are exactly what has made the phobia issue an non-issue for both of us now. I still have the phobias but my hubby has learned that they are very real and he does what he can to help me including getting up out of bed to check that year, he did really lock the door.:)

Sharon said...

I too have a husband that will not be manipulated. God knew what He was doing when He gave me Keith. I had a lot of growing to do in Christ before i could appreciate the man I had.
I dealt with some pretty heavy fear issues for a long time--God is faithful to complete the good work He began in us.
Thanks for the post.

Nise' said...

Hi Crystal, thanks for sharing. My husband taught me about respecting him as well, since the men in my life as a child/teen did not model repectful behaviors.

You said " I've started to learn more OF and IN God instead of just ABOUT God. There really is a difference" TRUTH!! and when this became a reality to me it was life changing!

I have/still do struggle with anxiety/panic and am so thankful for the support of my man. He holds my hand through it and never tells me to just get over it.

eph2810 said...

It's a bit sobering when you are horrified by something someone says or does and then realize that you yourself did or said that very thing just a few years ago.

I so agree with you on that. I know that I have done things in the past that I am not proud of. They are sometimes amplified by the things other women do and I start blushing. Because today I find them appalling.
Thank you for sharing from your heart.

Blessings to you and yours, Crystal.