A day in the life of a socially anxious phobic

I had a PANIC ATTACK in the health food store tonight and had to call my husband on my cell and have him help talk me down.

I once had a HUGE panic attack in the middle of the grocery store. A couple of years ago, I guess. I had to run out of the store and leave my half full grocery cart there. I'm very embarrassed by that. I did call them as soon as I got home to let them know (I said I had "an emergency" and had to leave right away - if you've ever had a huge panic attack you know that's true) but to make matters worse they were rude to me about it. Sadly, I've found more people are rude than are understanding these days. If I had another choice, I would have taken it. But if I hadn't gotten out of there when I did, I would have passed out, and I'm not joking. I couldn't catch my breath and my heart was pounding harder than it ever has in my life. I was faint and nauseated, and it was one of the most terrifying things EVER. That day I finally understood why people go to the ER during a panic episode. After that experience, I had a very hard time going out and doing things by myself because my mind/body connected store = deathly panic attack and I'd start to uncontrollably panic. A panic attack is a natural and healthy physical response to something the body perceives to be a life threatening situation. It's the same concept as the "fight or flight" response, only it's usually attached to something that's not really life threatening. If it's a true panic attack from a phobia, you can't just "get over it" or "ignore it". It's not a spiritual thing (not that it can't be, but it's not a given). It's a natural and healthy God-given response that is amplified and assigned (beyond your control) to something it shouldn't be assigned to. And it really, really sucks and is very exhausting and embarrassing.

After that huge grocery store incident, it was so very bad for a long time. I had to drag someone out with me anytime I shopped, unless it was a very very short trip to, say, the pharmacy or something. Then I finally worked my way out of it and was able to go shopping alone for hours. Until today. Being sick all last week has completely shot my nerves.

But I didn't run out of this store (though I wanted to SOO badly). My hubby wasn't really able to calm me down, but he kept me grounded enough to where I could get the few items I needed and get out without too much damage. The poor cashier probably thought I was trying to shop lift or something, with as nervous and terrified as I had to look. He kept looking at me funny.

I haven't had to call and have him talk me through something like this in so long! I hope this is a one time thing and doesn't mean I have to work through all this stuff again. It was really hard and really stressful and I still struggle with it sometimes, especially on days where I'm not feeling very well.

1 step forward, 2 back. That's the life of a socially anxious phobic.