Wednesday, December 19, 2007

It's Gone!! (Or: Cookies can be the best therapy)

It's gone, it's gone, it's gone!! *Doing a happy dance*

IT'S GONE!!

What's gone, you ask? Oh, just the UGLIEST most ridiculous lawn decoration, ever. It wasn't mine. Oh, no. My lawn is not the nicest on the block, but I'd die before I slapped on something like that and called it pretty. It's GONE, along with the neighbors who put it there. Apparently they sold their house and the new owners aren't Martha Stewart wannabes with their freaky lawn decorations.

In fact, the new neighbors (instead of having my husband and I gossip amongst ourselves about their yard every time we went outside) left the cutest little Christmas box on our porch yesterday while I was out. The cute little box was filled with cute little Christmas cookies. I mean, is that nice or what? I didn't even know people DID that anymore. Now I must find a way to thank them. Do you thank baked goods with baked goods? I also need to thank them for removing the ridiculous lawn ornament.

I know, by now you're DYING to know what it is, but honestly I'm scared to say. What if you utilize the same technique in your lawns? I'd die of embarrassment if I ranted about what you think is just uber cool. But people, it's got to stop! In fact, this decoration disturbed me so deeply that every time I left my house I wanted to stab a fork in my eye, fall onto the ground, curl up in a fetal position and cry for a year. I think I might need therapy. Scratch that. I KNOW I need therapy. Do you see what I just wrote?

Ok, so I'll spill. The offensive "decoration" in question was this hideous terracotta pot. A huge, hideous terracotta pot.
"That's not so bad", you're thinking, "terracotta is cool and earthy".
Sure, it is. But it wasn't just any old terracotta pot. It was a HUGE, hideous terracotta pot stuck in the middle of their yard.
"Ok, that's weird, but not worthy of therapy".
Oh, but that's not all! HUGE, hideous terracotta pot stuck in the middle of their yard, tipped over onto its side. Like the great winds came through and smote it down, spilling its insipid remains onto the cold, hard ground. (Can a grassy yard in the middle of a hot, Texas summer be considered "cold, hard ground"? Well, it is in my story. Just go with it.)
"Hmmm, now it's getting interesting."
Yes, interesting is one way to put it. Ghastly is another. Repulsive yet another. Cool, fun, lovely, attractive, innovative, or creative? Not so much. It was a huge, hideous terracotta pot stuck in the middle of their yard, tipped over on its side with a tacky, spindly, unkempt... weed (because "plant" or "bush" is just too kind)... planted in front of its opening.
"What??!??!!" *You screaming in terror*

I know, I know! Horrifying picture, isn't it? I mean, who thought that was a good idea? My neighbors, apparently. But that's not all. Sometime during the course of its (thankfully) short lived appearance in our usually nice and attractive neighborhood, this... weed... and its hideous terracotta pot were damaged. As if it needed help looking shabby, the pot decided to *crack* sometime in the last year. Did they remove it, or replace it? No. Did they decide, "oh hey, I'm not Martha Stewart and this wasn't such a good idea after all!"? Of course not. They left it there. Until they sold the house.

And now we have new neighbors. SANS ugly cracked pot/shabby weed. WITH Christmas cookies. On MY porch. The world is now happy place again.

Cookies can be the best therapy...

8 comments:

The Ramblin' Rat said...

Ugh! That ugly terra cotta pot on it's side is to popular here in So Cal. I've hated it since I saw it in my brother's neighborhood (Our neighborhood is too white trash to do something like that).

I feel you pain on that one girl. I'm glad it's gone now. For your sake.

Heidi @ GGIP said...

I'm not sure what it was, but it does sound rather random and weird.

Shannon said...

I'm glad you're happy :) Enjoy your cookies. We have nice neighbors for the first time since we've been married and it's so wonderful!

Danielle Blogging for Balance said...

Okay so I won't admit to liking those cracked terra cotta pots that are tipped over and spilling out flowers ;)...but I will admit that I don't have one in my yard (grin). Glad to meet you! Thanks so much for stopping by and saying hello!!

the Bipolar Diairies

Bethany said...

HAHAHA!!! Congrats on a neater, tidier neighborhood. I've seen yard displays like that before, and I think they are UG-LEEEEEE. The one I'm recalling right now was a big wooden barrel on its side with flowers planted at the opening. *shudder*

Sandy said...

you are such a good writer Crystal. You are so funny, and have a really great way of making your writings come alive. That and making me nearly pee myself from laughing so hard...=)

The Rock Chick said...

YAY! The pot heads are gone! (haha!)

Here people do stuff like that in their backyards, but not so much in the front. Which is good.

My one set of neighbors hang their laundry off their bushes all summer long. Yes, not even a clothesline, they just lay their clothes (and holey underwear) on top of all the bushes in their front yard until they dry or blow off into my yard and I have to go tell them to come over and retrieve their underpants.

My other neighbors are great, though! Sounds like you got a great new set, too!!!!

Congrats!
Jessica

Laurel said...

You are sooo too funny!! I for sure need to read your blog more!!!!

Someday I might even update mine!!! LOL