Pet-o-WHAT?

I'm sure that if you have a television, then you have seen the cheesy commercials for those products destined to be sold at Walgreen's in the future, labeled with "as seen on TV". Well, a couple of months ago I was trimming the dogs' nails and cut one of Molly's back a little too far. Her nails are pitch black and you can.not.see. where that crucial point is that you cannot clip past. She screamed, it bled, and I about cried. She forgave me though, and it did not bleed for long. Just a few minutes later she was playing like nobody's business, and all was well in our little world. Until...

The other day, the husband and I had a conversation that went something like this (give or take a few words)...

Husband: "Mouse, your nails are so long, pup!" (Paraphrased.)

Me: "Yeah, they are. But I don't want to cut them because I'm afraid I'll cut off half her toe again!" (True.)

Husband: "You are a horrible person." (This is a total lie. I don't remember what he said, but it wasn't that. Or anything remotely similar.)

Me: "I think we should get one of those..."

*wait for it... waaaaait for it...*

"... pet-o-files." (100% true.)

Husband *priceless look on his face*: "Pet-o-file?!? Do you mean PETICURE?"** (Also true. Stop laughing. STOP LAUGHING.)

Me: "Oh. Yeah. That."

Yes, people, I graduated Valedictorian of my high school. I made the dean's list at my university. I am a self taught jewelry artist/amateur metalsmith. I have an awesome, intriguing, funny blog that makes people lose control of bodily functions. (STOP LAUGHING.) But I apparently cannot distinguish between a demented person and a dog nail-filing-grooming tool.

And I expect someone to GIVE ME their child? It's so sad that it's funny.

But stop laughing!


** http://www.peticure.com/