Wednesday, May 14, 2008

T to the B

I had my toxin injection today (sorry, Bethany, not botox). No, I have never had one before. I was home schooled through 8th grade and then went to a very tiny (VERY tiny) Christian school for high school and it was never required. It wasn't even required when I went to college. So I guess I read it wrong and it's not the actual toxin, but an antigen. Or something. I don't know. All I know is I don't like foreign matter injected into me, nor do I like things taken out of me that belong in me (such as blood). I'm a firm believer in the fact that if God had wanted my blood in vials, He would have put it there Himself instead of inside my body... where it keeps me alive.

Thankfully, according to my doctor, my "blood work was so good last year" that I did not have to have a work up this year. Go me! I'm actually shocked at this since I've sort of lost some weight since last year. I had gained 6 lbs, then I lost it all. I can't tell you how frustrating that is. #(*&#*($^&*@#$(*#@&$ is all I have to say about that. I tried to get her to prescribe me some calorie pills, but she insists they don't exist. I think she's holding out on me.

Have I told you how much I like my doctor? I really do. She's nice and thorough and puts up with my quirks very well (just like my dentist, who I also love - it's true - despite the fact that I freak out whenever I have to visit either). However, she's leaving the practice at the end of next month. I'm hoping she'll move to another place in town so I can stick with her, otherwise I'll have to find someone else and I don't think that will be so easy. Before she leaves, I'll be visiting her at least once for acupuncture.

People. I was shaking over a tiny TB anti-whatever needle injection. And I'll be getting acupuncture. Lots of little needles. All over. Left in me for several minutes. While I watch. Does anyone see a potential problem here?

For some reason, my doctor laughs when I visit her. I can't imagine why. It's not like I'm funny or anything. I mean, all I did was ask her if my salivary gland was going to kill me, or if a dermatological cream would kill me if I accidentally forgot to wash my hands after using it and before eating (if you know me at all, you'd know that this scenario is impossible), what she was listening to when she put the stethoscope up to my belly (who knew it gurgles all the time? I mean, listening to belly gurgles isn't exactly normal behavior, you know...), and make the connection between my phobias and all the problems in the entire world. We decided that if we can somehow fix my anxiety issues, we can bring peace to the middle east. I know it's true. She agreed. And laughed. It's a good thing I didn't tell her I locked myself in the bathroom... naked. I'm sure that caused some kind of planetary shift that we just haven't yet found. I don't think Lexapro can fix stupid.

The dentist laughs at me too. I just can't figure it out...

So back to my toxin/not-toxin injection. It was a lot less scary than I expected. Not that I'd want to do it again, but it didn't hurt that much. I even watched for a couple of seconds (but not for long because, seriously, who enjoys watching their skin bubble up? I mean, ewe.). The nurse that works there is really cool. He's an older gentleman and quite funny. I have to have my arm bubble "read" on Thursday, but he says that I can just send my arm. I don't actually have to show up myself. Good to know, man-nurse. Good to know.

Because my arm? Phobia free.

It might be phobia free (and now, mostly bubble free) but it sure isn't bruise free. I bruise at the drop of a... needle? I should have taken a picture when I had my blood work done last year. You would have sworn someone punched me, hard. Even this little needle left a bruise. I'm also very clumsy, so really, I'm never bruise free. I promise no one beats me (unless door jambs and the dog gate count).

I took a picture of my toxin/non-toxin arm bubble bruise. But I'll spare you. I can only "dab it, not rub it" so it has crusty blood on it, and no one likes crusty blood. Even I'm not sick enough to blog about that.


Dustin said...

You know you thought about posting that picture all the way until you typed that last sentence...admit it!

The Rock Chick said...

Ok, now I'm laughing, too!!! We are sooo much alike with these dentist and doctor things. I 100% understand, I really do! 2 Peas in a Pod! Really!!!

It really amazes me about the red tape hoops they make adoptive parents jump through in order to become parents when you see what some parents do to their biological children and they get to keep them.

I don't understand that and it's not fair, but know that whatever you have to go through, it will be so worth it in the end!!!


Cyn said...

Crystal, this post is hilarious. Well-written. What I want to make sure I read in the first paragraph is that you have not been innoculated?

Nicole said...

I am glad that is all over and done with! I didn't mind needles until I got sick and it took the nurses (yes, more than one) 9 attempts to get an iv into my arm/hand. Now I feel nervous when I think of needles. Ahhhhh!

So you rock for getting that done and living to tell us about it! One step closer to adopting hey? By the way, that is super cool Crystal!

P.S all of our pets whistle through their nose when they sleep most of the time. It makes me laugh.

Heidi @ GGIP said...

Reading that made me tired!!! I'm glad your tests seem to be okay. They have calorie fortifier for babies!

Chelsea Rae said...

I know exactly how frustrating loosing weight is!!!! Every time I go to the doctor he lectures me on how important eating is blah blah blah. I have had a very hard time gaining weight my entire life... it stinks!!!

Bethany said...

I'm so glad your non-Botox poisoning went well! :-D

Kim said...

I think you should post the picture. The first TB skin test I got done, I took a pic of!!!

(And as for weird? Yeah - I like getting the TB test done ... I love watching the bleb form underneath that little layer of skin. I'm a freakazoid ... I also watch for bloodwork and injections and such. Yeah. Weirdo.)

Crystal said...

As far as I know, I've not been inoculated for TB.