Friday, October 31, 2008

Dear Myspace

Dear Myspace,

I'm sorry to say that I think it's over. I've left you for another social network. Stop crying; it's okay. Your heart will go on. And on. You see, lately I've forgotten to come and visit you. I just don't even think about you anymore. My other social network has fulfilled me in ways you never could. It's a network where the cool kids hang. You know, the ones that like the fact that they are no longer in junior high?

I just couldn't take your large graphics, constant surveys on who I "have a crush on", gaudy sparklies, and, well, your Tom anymore. It's just not my bag, baby. What? You think this is sudden? Oh, honey, it's been a long time coming. You're just dense, Myspace. Dense or deaf. My maniacal screams through the monitor were not getting through that thick skull of yours. Or was it the awful, automatically playing music keeping my pleas from reaching your ears? I know how to push a play button, Myspace. Don't patronize me.

I just don't find you mentally stimulating anymore. Actually, I never did. I faked it. Pretending to enjoy my time with you, I tried leaving comments and picking mildly classy layouts. But I was never really into it. The entire time I was daydreaming about a day when I could enjoy social networking again. Well, my time has come.

Sorry, Myspace. I'm leaving you for Facebook. Yes, Facebook. You read that right. Where grownups go to interact with their weird international friends who add extra vowels where vowels are not needed. Where we create secret groups and spend entirely too much time debating the fine nuances of items such as knitted baby hats. Where we are free to post strange status updates voicing our random mindless drivel and comment on them, endlessly chatting about the intricacies of the finer things in life such as toe hair, wall hangy thingies from Michaels, and chocolate. But not together. Because that doesn't even make sense. But I digress. Stop distracting me; that's not helping your case.

My point, Myspace: it's over. We're through. Kaput. I am no longer one of your peeps. I've grown up and branched out and have no more use for you. So please stop sending me emails from people I do not know who think I'm hot and want to be my friend. I'm really not that cool. They just think I am. But hey, I kind of think I am too, which is why I must call us quits.

Goodbye, Myspace. Goodbye.

(Or: "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!")

(But no, I'm much too classy for that kind of talk.)

(See what kind of bad influence you are? Shame on you, Myspace. Shame.)



Jessica Morris said...

Your hot. We know it. *ahem* all to well.

Crystal said...

Alright, so perhaps the Myspace got one thing right.

Nicole said...

Oh my, lucky I emptied my bladder out or there would be a big puddle of pee at my feet right now!

Nicole said...

LOL Nicole pees puddles! Oh my! :P

Haha you are so hilarious Crystal!

P.S. I totally forgot about my myspace account until I read your blog lol! I do not like myspace. Facebook is much more fun and cooler!

And I will add this to my comment



Crystal said...

LOL I seem to have the pee effect on people.

Heidi @ GGIP said...

I almost deleted my husband's myspace this week, but then figured I should ask him. I'm never was a big fan either.

Dustin said...

The most comforting thing to me about this post is that, to the best of my knowledge, no one has ever accused you of being normal.


Desmond Williams said...

first, let me say that your blog is totally hot. i haven't checked you out yet.

i wish that i had the courage to leave myspace. like you, i've grown distant and uninvolved. the problem is that i am a recording artist and everyone keeps telling me that i have to be on myspace. some of the success stories that i've heard lend credence to this. in fact, my whole online presence (facebook, my blog, imeem) started when a fan posted an Artist page for me on myspace.

i congratulate you on your courage, but for me myspace is like a wealthy relative that you simply must maintain some degree of involvement with.

The Rock Chick said...

This was funny! I'm so glad I tried facebook. I didn't really like it the first few days but I started finding old friends (and current ones like you) and it's a blast!!!

Donna said...

You forgot to mention the half-naked people popping up all over the myspace screen while they delete my naked newborn baby pictures for nudity. Ugh. (Only my friends could see my naked baby anyway...I wouldn't just post that for all the world to see.) They also deleted the picture of Brian's knee for violent content. But let the picture of the tractor stay. The tractor is way more violent than my honey's knee! But I digest, as Sandy would say...

I just started with facebook and don't love it yet. But I have never loved myspace ever, so I can be convinced. LOL

Jeanie said...

Facebook and MySpace are for young people.

Oh my word, I surely don't want people from back in the day looking me up!

Crystal said...

I hear ya, Desmond. I agree that Myspace definitely has merit for something like that. As an online business owner myself, I'm all too familiar with the fact that you have to keep some less than desirable relationships to make it work! Good luck with your album. :)

Jeanie, *ahem*, I know people quite a bit older than you on Facebook. Probably Myspace too, but definitely Facebook. It's a pretty neat networking tool for people in many different job industries. It's not all social!

Jeanie said...

Crystal, nobody is older than ME.