Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I am so attractive...

... to the weirdos.

I don't know how or why, but my blog attracts the strangest traffic. Each week brings me new laughs when I check my Google Analytics stats. It never gets old! Here's what has brought hits to my blog in the past couple weeks. I promise, these stats are for real. No words have been changed to protect the non-innocent.

"how to get my husband to adore me" - I'm so glad you asked. First, you must demand chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. Men like to be bossed around, you know, buying tons of chocolate for their damsels in PMS distress. Next, you feed him lots of healthy stuff that he hates, like spinach and lentils and fish oil that's supposed to taste like pudding. Finally, make sure to leave many annoying comments on his blog. Husbands LOVE this. Wait, what? That will never work, you say? Mwahahahaha! Oh, but it does. Right, hon?

"how big is a mol" - perhaps a better question might be WHAT is a mol?

"find your soul song"
- Hurry up soul, find it already!

"breast cancer awareness wah pedal"
- Ok, now I don't think I've ever blogged about a wah-wah pedal. I totally should though. Wah-wah pedals are awesome. I don't have one, but it sure would be fun. Show of hands: who knew Crystal owns an electric guitar? Oh yes, I do! A gorgeous shiny one. I should take a picture. It sure would look even prettier with a wah-wah pedal, though I think a pink one might clash.

"do you want fries with that song"
- I generally prefer my songs to be trans-fat free, thanks. Oh, what the heck? Sure, I'll take a small fry. Extra ketchup, please.

"crystal+blogspot" -
I am the Crystal on blogspot?! I'm so glad you found me. *Whew!*

"making a meal out of a mole hole" - Thank you so much for ruining what little appetite I had left... never mind on those fries. You are so disturbing.

"a soul would have one mol" - Again with the mol?

"how to pronounce humuhumukununukuapua'a" - I wish I knew, but alas, I do not. I shall defer you to my father, expert in all things Hawaiian pig-nosed fish.

"why athletic shorts smell when i go outside" - Ummmm... perhaps a better question would be why did they invent showers?

"orange rotting fruit" - I have some rotting potatoes. Will that suffice?

"my life with this finger that song my soul" - The soul of mol that is be with toe.

"whats that song that goes butt naked sitting on the bathroom floor" - The song loves the American people. It did not go butt naked sitting on that bathroom floor.

I feel so dirty now. And very not hungry.


Anonymous said...

'"how big is a mol" - perhaps a better question might be WHAT is a mol?'

To be fair, a mol is a unit of measurement - "The mole [symbol mol] is defined as the amount of substance of a system which contains as many "elemental entities" (eg, atoms, molecules, ions, electrons) as there are atoms in 12 g of carbon-12." (From Wikipedia)

Just letting you know - THAT person isn't crazy ... just likely doing science homework!

Nicole said...

Hahaha the last one cracked me up! Those are so funny! I am glad you keep blogging about them cuz they make me giggle, guffaw, laugh and chuckle!

Dustin said...

Strangely your first explanation works...that or I adore you DESPITE all those things :-P

And I think I know what song that person was looking for about the bathroom floor.

Jen said...


Dee said...

Hey Crystal! How you doing? I see congratulations are in order? Woohoo!

Your crib looks just fine, but if the colour bothers you why don't you get it re-stained? You know, once you get all the cutesy baby stuff out, it's going to look fab! I was going to paint a fantasy fairy scene until we found out we were having a boy. Not a good idea! Eli got blue walls - yes, I'm that creative.

You'll be a great mum, even if you do reel in the crazies :)

Crystal said...

Kim - See, I would be inclined to believe that were it not for the "a soul would have one mol" and other such strange nonsense.

Googlers are weird, no matter how you weigh 'em! ;o)

Bethany said...

These search listings are my favorites of all of your blog posts. LOVE IT!! People are weird. Just weird.