Thursday, March 01, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #11

Thirteen things I do not want to meet in a dark alley. Or anywhere, really.

1. Spider of death! Ok, so it's just a spiny orb weaver... but umm, any spider that has spikes on its bum is just SCREAMING to leave it the yahoo alone. I think I'll do just that, thank you!

2. Capybara, better known as giant rodents. I had guinea pigs growing up, and they squealed bloody murder. Can you imagine a 150 lb giant guinea pig squealing? Scary.

3. Neon Yellow Sssssslithering ssssssnake. I don't care what good pets you might think they make, pythons are not a girl's best friend. Oh look... this one looks like he just swallowed my favorite pair of Manolo Blahniks.

4. Giant amazon centipede. As if the little tiny ones that make me cry weren't enough, God saw fit to make giant ones.

5. Ugly dog. Another ugly dog. But wait, there's a bonus ugly dog! There really are no words...

6. Pink fluff. Actually, it's not the pink fluff that would creep me out so much, but rather the person who thought this was a good idea.

7. This thing that I'm guessing meows. Again, there are no words...

8. The King. *shudders*

9. The shrimploborpian*. Why? WHY would someone willingly pick that up??
*(Special kudos to my friend Erin's husband, Andrew, for the "shrimploborpain" name. No creepy crustaceans were harmed in the naming of this bizarre freak of nature.)

10. Creepy Scary Alien Fish Gang. Viper: apprehended for pushing illegal krill in the local fish schools. Currently serving a life sentence. Dragon: presently being held for attempting to steal the identity of the well known life form from another planet movie star, and conspiring to use that identity to find and tourment Sigourney Weaver until she agrees to make another Alien movie. Please, Dragon, enough already. Suspect X: the fish formerly known as Astronesthes (must be said with jazz hands). His only crime was being born with a weird name. Last but not least, our ring leader... Ever M: still at large, Ever M. is wanted on 9 counts of finned robbery, 3 counts of potential mercury poisoning incidents, and over 20 counts of causing women and children to scream, "MY WORD, WHAT IS THAT THING?" Ever M. is a violent criminal. If you see him swimming down your block, DO NOT attempt to approach him. Instead, dial your nearest Red Lobster for proper catching, filleting and serving. Rest assured fine citizen - justice will be served (and hopefully with a side of Cheddar Bay Biscuits).

11. Rolly polly of death! Seriously, if you saw a potato bug that big, wouldn't you freak out a little?!

12. Big nosed sad nasty blob thing. I think it's supposed to be a fish, but can one really know? It looks pretty slimy, and what the sam hill is hanging from its mouth??

13. Finally... the creepiest most terrifying thing God has ever put on our planet. Admit it, you know you laughed. Or fainted. Maybe even cried a little. Either way, you know I'm right.


Lexa Roséan said...

haha tom cruise in a dark alley - I could think of much more terrifying things:)

Dragonheart said...

I'm sure someone loves those dogs and that cat very much! People often comment that I'm ugly or strange looking, so I sympathize with that poor cat. Those of us who don't look like ordinary cats have feelings too, and it can hurt our feelings when people say unkind things about us.

Anonymous said...

LOL Great list! #13 is DEFINITELY the scariest! :-)

You might get a kick out of a post I was just reading last night at

Michelle found a questionnaire on the Scientology website and posted it... it's a good read, but make sure you're not drinking any liquids when you read it - they'll end up on your screen!

I love you site, btw - very pretty!

iGoddess said...

Yes, you're right, I laughed. #13 rocked. And WTF was up with that wierd slimby blob thing?! Who needs outer space for wierdness when we have so many things on this planet already?

Happy T13!

Your blog is gorgeous, by the way.

Karianne said...

This is great! I didn't do a TT this week, but yours had me laughing like crazy.

Thanks for the late week humor!


Anne said...

You had me ROTFLOL!!! This list is hilarious! But I have to say that I disagree about the snake. He looks kind of cute. However, I would be screaming bloody murder if I met Mr. Tom in a dark alley...

Anonymous said...

AAAAUUUGGHH!! *runs screaming into the street* at the last picture! ;)

I like the kitty, the snake, and the spider. But oh that poor pink poodle -- I wouldn't be happy about that color. And the centipede -- *shudders*!

Thanks for the fun list! Have a great weekend, and thank you for stopping by my blog.

Lady G~ said...

Great list! I'd be freaked out too if I ran into the things on your list. Very creative.

Thanks for stopping by to check out my TT. :o)

Have a blessed Friday!

Kelly Bean said...

I love your very original list. I definitely agree with the Tom Cruise thing-I'm not sure what I would do were I met with him in a dark alley. Heart attack maybe? But not in a good way of course. :)

Thanks for stopping by to see my list!

Robin said...

What a riot. Yup, there are plenty there that would completely creep me out - giant bugs - no freaking way!

Thanks for visiting my blog.

DK said...

Okay, I'm gonna have bad creepy dreams tonight, thanks to your list! And I think I saw those dogs in Resident Evil! Tom DEFINITELY belongs on the list :)
Thanks for stopping by!

Domestic Geek said...

Definitely some creepy things on your list. I was rolling on #13.